want

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003.


[ 3:18 am, 11/07/16 ]
PLAY RECORDING?

YES NO

sometimes, i think about how things would've been. if i wouldn't have hurt you. how much different things would be if i made better decisions.

because in a way, i betrayed you. i betrayed you, and it bounced back onto me.

i broke your heart, thinking that it would somehow heal mine. and the sad thing is, it did. for a short while. but really, all it did was make me forget. forget whatever the fuck i was feeling, because i sure as hell didn't know.

to me, i was healed. healed of your love, and the love you gave others. i wanted nothing to do with it, because i didn't know what a powerful thing i held in my own hands. i wasn't aware of what that love could do to a person. what it did to you.

what it did to me.

it took me to places i never knew existed. it flipped me up and down, over and under. and instead of you being as confused as i was, you held my fucking hand to endure the ride.

why did i let go?

you are hopelessly brave. and i tell you this because you seemed to have no fear, whatsoever. i was an extremely envious of that factor, to tell you the truth. to me, you were fearless, or if you were afraid of anything, you had an excellent way of hiding it.

i was envious, because you stood next to me, ready to face the world, ready to fight the most high and win. and i would stand next to you, quivering in fear. i would hold you back.

i did hold you back.

pushing you away brought me such pain. not at first, of course, but over time, life had many ways of reminding me of what i had lost. what i gave up.

i never thought it would hurt as much as it did, but to be completely honest, i'm almost glad i felt such pain. it gave me a wake up call of sorts, a reality check.

becuase without that blinding, heart-wrenching pain, i don't think i would be here today. to speak these very words, to be able to explain to you the way i felt ー the way i feel.

00:00
00:00
00:00

[ VOICE MESSAGE FINISHED. ]

play again?

at this point and time,

he weeps.
he weeps, because ー

[ 3:25 am, 11/07/16]
PLAY RECORDING?

YES NO

i hope you win all of your battles.
scratch that ー i know you will.

i-i love you.
goodnight.

[ VOICE MESSAGE FINISHED. ]
play again?

ー because he doesn't know what else to do.

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