The Candy Striper

Chapter 4

Mary

     "This is the last of the birthday cards." I scooped up last of the cards and handed them to Buck. As usual, he had a sad expression on his face. Buck hated being in the hospital, but he loved the people here so when he left, he was in a sour mood. He was one of those people, that no matter how much pain or sorrow they were in, they could make you laugh and smile. So naturally, every one in the hospital loved him too. 

     I smile at Buck and rested my hand on the side of his face. "Don't look so sad Bucky. You'll probably be back here by the weekend." I said with a giggle.

     He gave me a sad smile back, "Ya, I guess you're right." With out another word he turned around and walked out of the room.

     I looked over at the empty bed and sighed. I always found it so lonely when a bed was empty. Patients come into the room, and bring in life and personality to this tiny corner. But, when they leave, the area becomes lifeless and dull. I know its wrong to be, but I always feel sad when a patient goes away. I ran my hand over the plastic mattress. I closed my eyes and I could see every patient in this room that stayed in this bed. Honestly, I remember ever patient I attended to. I despised my good memory, especially when they didn't come out of the hospital. Their faces, smiles, stories, they ran around in my mind haunting me. Reminding me that they aren't here anymore, reminding me that I had watched them die.

     "What are you doing?" Lance's deep voice pulling me out of my thoughts. I turned around and smiled when I saw him.

    "I just helped Buck pack up. So you're going to have the room all by yourself." I informed him.

     "At least until he comes back with another broken body part." He joked, a wide smirk on his face. I laughed and nodded my head. But, soon I remembered he gone. Even if it was just a for a few days, I would miss him. "What's wrong?" Lance asked, trying to make I contact with me, but I just couldn't look him in the eye when I was sad.

     I sat down on the bed. "Do you have a good memory , Lance?"

    "No, I guess not." He said, sounding a bit confused as he sat down on his bed and looked at me.

    "I do," I whispered sadly, "I can remember every patient that walked into this hospital. Then when they," I could feel a thick lump of depression forming in my throat, "Die. I can remember them, every night, I relive the memories of them in my dreams. Every time I see an empty bed, I remember who stated here. I remember, when all I really want to do is forget." I whimpered out as tear started to streak down my face. I barred my face in my hand as I began to cry.

    Soon, I felt strong arms wrap around me. "Shh. Its ok, Mary." Lance hushed, trying to sooth me. I looked him in the eyes, tears still streaming down my face. Gently, he wiped them away tenderly, "Don't be upset Mary. Be happy. Those people, they aren't dead. They are still alive in you. In your kindness, and smile, they live. So don't think of them as people who you looked after and died, think of them as people who shaped you to who you are today."

     I smiled at him. I have never thought to look at it that way. He was truly the most amazing person I have ever met. If anyone should be comforting the other, it should be me comforting him. He was fighting cancer, and here I was, crying my eyes out and he was trying to calm me.

    "Thank you." I whispered softly. Then, I'm not internally sure what happened but something in his eyes softened and face feel into a gentle smile. We sat there, looking at each other. Then his nurse walked in.

    "Lance." She said in a loud voice. Causing me and Lance to jump back like two pre-teens being caught sharing their first kiss. I blushed madly and looked down at the floor, to embarrassed to look at Lance or his nurse.

    "We need to get you read for treatment." She informed him, then looked at me. "Would you mind leaving, Mary?"

    I nodded and left the room. As I walked down the hallway, to the nurse's station, reality suddenly hit me. Lance might turn into one of those faces of the decided, floating around in my memory, causing me nightmares at night. My heart felt as if my heart dropped to the floor and shattered. My breath sped up and the lump returned to my throat. I sped up to the nurse's station. Once I got there, I bee lined it to the files and looked desperately for his.

    I finally found one for a Lance Timpltion, assuming it was his, I grabbed it. With shaking hand I opened the file and scanned though the words and medical terms. Then, my eyes stopped on one phase, "Body starting to respond less to treatment." I desperately looked though the rest of the papers to find good news, but instead I only found bad. "An estimated year left to live."