Never the Same

Twenty-four

"Remember how I told you about Magcon," he asks and takes a sip of Dr. Pepper, I remember very well though, he broke it to me that he had to leave at the beginning of August to go on a tour with other famous viners.

"Yeah. Why?" I play with my hands in my lap, Taylor sure has gotten hotter. He got more muscular and mature, but he's still like a little boy, occasionally I'll see one of his vines and I laugh my ass off for about 20 minutes.

"Well, I tried it out for a month, to see how I liked it. I met amazing people, including this girl names Carmen. But she's super clingy and always over me, don't get me wrong, she's hot but so annoying. Anyways I need your advice, collage of magcon?" Carmen went to magcon? Since when does she vine? I feel a ping of jealousy but ignore it.

"Why not both?" I say it like the Spanish girl in the taco commercials, Soft shell or hard shell? Why not both? I shrug and smile proudly at my own joke.

"What do you mean?" His eyebrows were knitted in confusion, making him look like an angry kitten which made me laugh, my bandana boy still wears bandada's of course.

"Do online collage and stay at magcon, simple. But Fresno Pacific University is a really hard school to get into and I don't want you to make the wrong decision because of me. Hey close your eyes." He looks at me with a confused expression but he trusts me and closes his eyes.

"Done." I couldn't help but smile at his little cocky smirk, he could be best friends with anyone but he's mine. Not yours, mine.

"In a year where do you see yourself? Be honest. Don't say university because it's a good school. Listen to your heart." I grab his hands from over the table and he tenses but slowly relaxes.

"Being at magcon. But you're there. Oh Aspen! Will you go with me?" His eyes flutter open with excitement, I couldn't.

"Taylor you know I can't." I sigh and let go of his hands, I hear a couple of 14 year old girls, giggling off in the corner and taking pictures of me and Taylor. My phone buzzes in my purse, I slowly pull it out to see a text from Ryder.

R= Aspen. What the hell? You're supposed to be in detention with me, not at olive garden with some poser.

A= Ryder. I'll make it up to you tonight I promise.

R= oh look you and Taylor are trending on twitter, Tapen. Oh look and were trending to Ryden.

A= I ship ryden.

R= I don't know... That Aspen girl needs to make her mind up.

A= I'm coming over to your house at 6. Nothing less, nothing more.

I throw my phone in my purse and our food comes but Taylor continues talking, "And one day I took Carmen's phone and saw a picture of us from the lake and at the fountain." I freeze and stop eating, that's why Ryder was acting so weird that day. Fucking Carmen.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." I almost threw my guts up but I stayed focus of Ryder. Ryder Ryder Ryder. I love his name.

"How are you and Ryder?" He takes a bite of pasta and I smile. Me and Ryder, not me and Taylor, me and Taylor aren't anything more than friends.

"Were fantastic. I just don't know what to do about collage, I'm not sure he even wants to go. I've spent one year of my life on him and I don't regret it, I never will. I just want me and him to stay together ya know? We've been through all the bullshit and I just want us to last. So badly. I don't think there's anyone better out there for me." I look down at my feet the whole time, I'm afraid to admit it though. What if he doesn't feel the same way?

"Y'all will last! Y'all were made for each other. I swear." He sounds like a total girl right now and that makes me laugh so hard. Sometimes I just wish I could capture a moment in time and just live there forever.

"So what about you?" I wink at him and he just laughs.

"Well there is this one girl in my journalism class. I don't wanna leave but I have to and I don't want to, I want to stay with her. She ships you and Ryder, she saw a picture someone posted of y'all on tumblr." There were pictures of me and Ryder on tumblr? Are we that cute?

"Hey. Time flies. It's about 5 and I have a date to go to so drive me to my house." Taylor takes me home and I change into a navy mini skirt with pink flowering, a cute tan belt, a white v-neck sweater, and my white vans. I feel horrible about what I did today.

"Hey," I say when Ryder opens the door. I lean in and our lips crash together. Volts of electricity ran through my entire body. The sensation was so good that I felt my knees go weak. He started moving his lips on mine slowly as if he was savoring me. I eagerly kissed him back with all I had. Below us, my feet felt like they were turning into liquid in my shoes. Ryder gripped my face tightly as he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue inside my mouth. He tasted so good, and it felt so right to kiss him. His long fingers trailed through my hair and the kissed turned passionate one in a matter of seconds. It seemed like we couldn't get away from each other. Ryder's hands left my face, trailed down my arms until finally they reached my waist, pulling me closer to him. Our bodies pressed together, so that I could feel the warmth radiating from his skin beneath his clothes. The sweet smell of his cologne caught my nose, and I lost myself in his scent. Our breaths were becoming heavy as the kiss became more intense. Ryder bit my lower lip softly, stealing a soft sigh from me. He definitely knew what he was doing. Let's just say, our hormones took over and things happened.

On a Saturday morning I wake up, bare naked with a naked Ryder next to me, images of last night rush through my head I shoot straight up. I lost my virginity, to the guy I love but I'm not sure he loves me back, I grab my clothes off the floor and throw them on. I write Ryder a note telling him this:

My dearest Ryder,

I love you so much, I decided to show you that last night. It was a mistake, I never meant for it to happen. I'm leaving to California. I've got enough money, the plane leaves at 11 so I better get going. I'll love you forever and always. I didn't plan on losing my virginity in high school. I planned to wait for someone I knew loved me, I don't you think you love me the way I love you.

Your Aspen, Ryden forever.

"Flight to LA, now boarding," the intercom said. I got up and walked with my bags to the pouring rain, the weather matched my mood. I'm leaving Ryder, I'm leaving the one. It's for my own good, I'm too attached to this boy that makes my legs go weak and makes my self esteem go up by 100 every time he compliments me.

"Aspen," I hear Ryder yell, stop it's in your head. You want him to come and rescue you but he won't. You know he won't. He doesn't love you, nobody loves you, your dad never calls, your mom doesn't care about your opinion. Nobody cares.

"Aspen," the voice yells again, keep walking. You're fine. You'll be fine. I promise you. Someone grabs me by my shoulder and turns me around, Ryder Johnson.