A Friendships Love - Settler series book 1 (Wattpad version, first draft)

The Letter

The Letter

Feeling quite disconcerted this morning, after my night of soul bearing to Ashley. In the form, of verbal ramblings and tears. I got ready for the day and went straight to the stables. I gave Night his treat. A juicy red apple, that I took off the bench in the kitchen on my way past. And then, went through the motions of saddling him. Without delay, I left the stables and the Townshend estate, needing to know a freedom that only riding my horse could give me. I was sorely going to miss him. Maybe I would be able to send for him at a later date. I hadn’t even discussed these things with Lady Townshend yet. Choosing the path of sulking last night instead. I wondered if Ashley would know. The affection she had for her horse was just as strong as mine.

I must have done a full circle of some kind. Because I found myself back at mama, and baby Allen’s grave sites.  I hadn’t paid my visits so closely together, for some time. I slid off Night and went to kneel in front of mama.

“I think I’m leaving for good mama. I don’t want to go, not now. I don’t think I know how I feel about leaving you here. At least you’ll have Allen I suppose.” I let out a breath. “Actually I don’t think I ever want to go. Ashley is making sure I follow through with our little pact, to stay together. It’s extremely unfair of her, I think.”

I paused in my conversation with mama for a moment. And I reflexed on the two little girls full of dreams, thinking I was right not to want to grow up back then. Growing up had been very painful indeed. And then my thoughts went to Pa. “I don’t understand why he doesn’t write to me, himself.” I took in a ragged breath, and then I then I continued, wanting to tell mama all that was in my heart. “I think I may have feelings for Will. The way my heart has fluttered at his mere gaze in the last few days, and when he held me yesterday, oh mama." I sighed.  "Even through my distress I have small blossoms of affection in my thoughts for him. But I know he couldn’t want me, I am not a Lady.” I looked beyond mama’s grave to the hills in the distance. I thoughtfully continued. “I’m not coming back here mama. So this is goodbye ok. I couldn’t bear to come here again. “The tears started to trickle down my face. “I’ll miss you and love you forever. But do not worry, you led your life so well, that you even left me in the best hands possible. Lady Townshend has been a loyal friend to you even through your death.” I shuffled myself along the ground till I was closer to the head stone. I then hugged it. I went over to Baby Allen’s and did the same thing. I held onto the cold symbol that marked his passing, and cried.

After I had exhausted my tears once again, I roused myself, and took up Nights reigns and led him back to the manor slowly strolling beside him.

As I reached the stables, I could see Will and Nathan talking. I noticed Will had to do a double take, to register that it was me approaching. He started walking in my direction, and when he reached me, he took Nights reins from my hands and took over the role of leading my horse.

“I have to confess, I was worried you had left Payton, You should have told someone you had gone. When cook came up and found the stove cold, she thought you might be ill. And I had come in search of you, when cook told me that you hadn’t stared the stove, and you weren’t in your room.  I thought I might have to go in search of you throughout the countryside.”

“I’m sorry for worrying you Will, it was not my intention, and I simply had to get away for a while.” I replied flatly.

When we reached the stables, Will handed Night over to Nathan. I gave him a nod in greeting; I had no strength to be cheerful today. He sensed my mood, nodded back and continued to lead Night away.

“Would you walk with me Payt?” Will askd as he turned to me. 

“Yes.” He turned me toward the tree, and together we walked to our childhood playground. Once we were under the blanket of leaves, Will pointed to the ground ushering me to sit, then he lowered himself  down next to me.