Being a Rockstar's Girl.

This Time I Won't Hesitate

I squeezed Stormy's hand and she squeezed back. The nurse and doctor came in and told everyone to get out. "No!!! Let them stay!!! Let Nikki!" The doctors granted her wish and I ran over and grabbed her hand. Everyone else was shoved out, Cara was screaming and fighting. "Fuck you! She's my best friend! Let me in there! Dammit!"

I swallowed and took a deep breath. The doctors were yelling orders to each other. I didn't pay much mind. All I could hear was the beeping of the machine. The machine that told me if Stormy's strong heart was still at beat.

Stormy squeezed my hand again. The doctors yelled more. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Stormy looked at me, crying. "I will be okay." I nodded and cried again.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeepppp.

I quit breathing and looked at the machine. Straight line. My heart quit beating and my head jerked towards Stormy. Her eyes were closed. Mouth closed. Hand... still tight around mine. I stood up. "Stormy! Open your eyes! Open your goddamn eyes!!! Get up!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Get up!!! Open your fucking eyes! Stormy!!! Don't leave me!" The doctors tried to push me out of the room, but I wouldn't let go of her hand. I jerked my head towards the nurse who had ahold of my arm. "Get off! Don't fucking touch me! Get off!" I screamed straight into her face.

"Get security!" She yelled towards the main desk.

I heard the sound of feet hitting the ground. People running. The doctor was taking Stormy's wires off. "Stop it!" I screamed at the doctor and jerked my arm out of the nurses hand.

"Stormy!!!" She didn't move... Didn't cough. Didn't speak. Didn't open her eyes.... but most importantly.... she didn't smile.

"No." I whispered. Eyes locked on Stormy. "She's alive. Stop touching her!" I ran up and grabbed Stormy's hand again, it was limp. "Get up! God dammit! Get up Stormy!" I was grabbed from behind and pulled away. Stormy didn't reach for my hand. She didn't move. "Get off! Get off me! Get the fuck off!" I tried elbowing whoever it was. "Ma'am calm down!" They jerked me down the hall and everyone looked at me.

"Don't tell me what to fucking do! Stormy!" I screamed again, I could hear my voice echoing down the halls and coming back.

They jerked me into the main lobby, I saw everyone, Pogo, Cara, Cal, Zim, Twiggy... In the far corner, Marilyn. They watched me as I screamed and struggled with the men holding me. Marilyn was the last to jerk his head up. He glared instantly. "Get the fuck off her!" His protective instincts had kicked in. Cara ran up to me. "Nikki! Calm down! What's wrong?!" Reality hit me. "She's fucking dead!!! Stormy is dead!!!!" Twiggy looked shocked. Hell, everyone did. But Twiggy's eyes held something no one else's did, no one else's but mine. Two things in fact. Relief, Stormy wasn't in pain anymore. But most importantly, these two sets of eyes... they held something deeper. Insanity.

"Get off her!" Marilyn kept screaming. The men appeared frightened for a brief second. Marilyn did look scary. But it wasn't just that, it was how protective he was being. I was actually scared, he was pissed, protective and crazy. And underneath my fear, I loved it.

Twiggy came up too. "Man, just put Nikki down man. She will calm down." He was so calm. It was unreal. The men just looked at him. "I said put her the fuck down!" Marilyn was becoming more furious. And my screaming for Stormy wasn't helping. Cal looked frightened, in Zim's arms, Cara looked hurt but she stood arms straight down. With Pogo's arms around her.

And here I was. Being held by two security guards, screaming, my brother figure and boyfriend screaming into their faces.

I was crying hard. "Just take me back to her!" The security guards pushed past Marilyn and Twiggy and took me into the hall. Where everyone followed. "Take me back!" I cried harder. One guard blocked the door to get back to that area of the hospital and the other set me down. Everyone got ready to grab me, fearing I would fight. I didn't. I crumbled onto the floor. Knees pulled to my chest, head in lap, crying. "Just take me back. Take me back please." They wouldn't listen and Marilyn went over and wrapped his arms around me, sitting on the floor next to me. All I could see was Stormy's face. Her smile had disappeared.

"Ma'am? Is this guy bothering you?" He was referring to Marilyn. "I'm her fucking boyfriend you cunt. And don't you ever touch her again!" The man looked shocked.

"Take me back." I just kept repeating that. "Ma'am, your friend, she's gone." I slowly stood up, Marilyn's arms still around me, everyone circled behind me. Again, waiting to grab me. "The most you can do for her ma'am is pray that God takes care of her." I walked up to him slowly, Marilyn standing behind me, holding my arms tight. "There is no God." I poked his chest. I turned, pushed through everyone and walked out of the hospital, never looking back.