Eleanor Snape- Book 5, Part 2

A Realisation

Gilderoy's face broke into a broad smile when he saw me. He practically ran to the bed side, makeing me wince and cover my face. It was stupid, because I knew he wasn't going to hurt me, but it flared up my already strong anxiety and made my heart start to race. I felt tears well up into my eyes. 

"Gilderoy, please. You're scaring her!" Healer Fuchs calmly closed the door and walked over to join us. Gilderoy looked at her.

"No I'm not! I wouldn't scare her!" 

"Is he makeing you upset?" HEaler Fuchs looked around him to asked me. I slowly lowered my arm, then shook my head yes.

"...Uh-huh..." I finally said. Gilderoy's smile fell a bit. 

"Oh. I'm sorry... I didn't know..." It was evident in his eyes that he really felt bad about it. I expected a pang of guilt to hit me, but it didn't.

"It's okay, you just need to quiet down." Healer Fuchs assured. "Are you going to give Mrs. Malfoy her gift?" 

"Oh, yeah!" He burst with an energy that only comes to people who just remembered something urgent. He turned to her, and pulled something out of the basket that had orginally held the blanket. "I got this for you a few days ago but I didn't get to give it to you." He held you a stuffed pegasus, but instead of the white fur like the one that Narcissa had gotten me for Christmas, it's coat was dark blue, and had white constillations on it. The wings were silver. 

"Isn't that beautiful!" Narcissa commented on the Pegasus as she had the blanket. "Are you going to take it, Elle?" I looked over at her, then slowly took the stuffed animal. To do this, I had to let go of the book. IN doing so, it slid off of my lap and into the floor. It landed with a loud 'Smack'. 

I stared at it, while Narcissa and Healer Fuchs stared at me, holding their breath and wondering what my reaction would be. Gilderoy looked from me, to the woman, to the book, all confused. He shrugged, bent down, and picked up the book. Before I could grab it back, it flipped it open and began reading.

"This is just a list of names..." He trialed off. "Oh, wait! Are they for the baby? How is the baby?" 

As soon as it came out of his mouth, he suddenly remembered. He dropped the book as fast as he could. The tears that had already wheled in my eyes spilled over. When the book had fallen out of his hands, it has fallen onto my bed, so it was in arms reach. I snatched it up and craddled it to my chest.

"I'm so so sorry." He started. "I am. I forgot. I'm so sorry, Elle, I really am..." 

"Shut up!" I yelled. I wasn't sure where it had come from, but it relieved some of the anxiety in my chest, if only for a moment. 

"Eleanor, he did'nt mean to-" Narcissa stepped forwards and grabbed my arm. I slapped her.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed, then I flung the stuffed Pegasus as Gilderoy. 

"Elle, I really am sorry." 

"How could you forget?! How could you f****** forget?!" I couldn't see anything through my tears, so I just continued to scream. 

"OH, dear..." Healer Fuchs trailed off, backing out of the room. "I'm going to get Healer Phillips..." She said, then ran down the hallway. 

"Get out, Gilderoy! Leave!"

"Elle..." He looked heartbroken. "I can't help that I... forget... stuff..." He was biting his lower lip, and tears were in his eyes, threatening to spill over. 

"Leave!' I pressed my face into the book. He looked at me for a couple moment, and one tear slid down his check. Then, he bent down, picked up the Pegasus, and went out the door. ONe the way out, he rean into Healer Phillips. He nodded at him, then went the rest of the way out the door. 

"Mrs. Malfoy, what is all of this fuss about."

"Gilderoy forgot that..." Healer Fuchs trailedo ff, then wispered something in Healer Phillip's ear. He nodded. 

"Mrs. Malfoy, you know that Gilderoy has a problem remembering things."

"He forgot! Tha'ts something you don't forget about!" I sobbed. 

It wasn't. How do you forget about the death of an innocent baby?... The only way to do that is if you didn't really care... Perhaps Gilderoy didn't care. That would mean he wasn't really my friend.

A new wave of anxiety hit my chest, making my breath catch. 

He wasn't my friend. How could I have been so stupid? 

"Mrs. Malfoy, will you please stop screaming? Shhh... Come on..."

But I couldn't stop. I was angry and sad and mad and confused. I had just realised I had lost something else after loseing so much. It didn't stop at my father, or my Uncle, or Scabior or Vincent of even my baby. No. NOt only didn't I get any of that, I had to lose something else as well, because life hated me. 

The pain was too much to bare. Maybe he was never my best friend to begin with, and I had just fooled myself into thinking so. Either way, it was the finale strew. I couldn't lose anything else after this. I had to keep getting close to things. I couldn't get hurt if I didn't care about it. 

.......................................................................................

They finally calmed me down, and told me to take a nap. I did, and when I woke up, it was Lucius in the room instead of Narcissa. I looked at him, holding onto the book that I had yet again slept with.

I had thought about it while going to sleep, and as much as I didn't want to, I had to do it. They had been right about me being emotionally attached to it. I had to get rid of it myself before something out of my control caused me to lose it as well...

I looked up at Lucius and cleared my throat.

"L-Lucius..?" I questioned. He got up and stood besdie the bed.

"Yes?"

"Can you do something for me?"

"I cant tell you that until you tell me what that something is."

"I...." I looked down at the book. Tears were already forming in my eyes. "This wasn't suppose to be like this... I.... I should have had a baby... But... This book reminds me... Of what I could have had... I... I need you to get rid of it." I thrusted it at him before I could change my mind. He carefully took it, not questioning a thing.

"What would you like me to do with it?"

"I... I don't know. I never wnat to see it again... Do something. Burn it." 

"You want me to burn it?" He repeated. I hesitated, then shook my head yes.

"If that's what you want." He nodded, then waved his wand. The book disappeared from sight.

I began to sob.