Built on Hope (Cassian Andor FF)

25. What I've Done

There were so many bodies.

Blood and parts as far as Cassian's eye could see. Thousands upon thousands of lives lost, so many species, so many families... Cassian's whole body shuddered. His heart skipped a beat as he took in his surroundings. Tiny legs crawled in his blood, sending goosebumps all over. The air in his lungs threatened him, and his mind begged for more. The fear of inhaling the horrible smell of iron and sulfur kept him from doing so. Only one thought echoed in his mind.

What happened here?

Cassian forced himself to step forward, placing his foot in the nooks and crannies where there was solid ground in between the piles. The closer he got, the more their faces came into view.

He recognized them as people he's killed. On accident, on purpose, it didn't matter. Whomever he had led to their ultimate demise lay before him in a twisted heap.

That's when he heard it. Like a chorus of haunting echoes in the breeze, gasps, and sentences the dead had spoken right before he claimed their lives. From teary-eyed pleading to stone-cold threats, it all crescendoed in his ears, threatening to surround him in their last moments of agony.

Stop!

Cassian started jogging through the piles. Every single face he could remember. The agonizing deaths he had brought down upon them. Explosions, assassinations, and firefights with the Empire...they were all here. Everyone he's killed. Their expressions twisted in some horrible contortion of what once was considered rosy and alive. Eyes paled and rolled into their heads. He ran faster and faster until he couldn't hold his breath anymore. The stench of blood and heated meat filled his lungs. He could practically taste it on his tongue. No matter where he turned, there was another body. The noises wouldn't stop! They wouldn't-

Finally, Cassian collapsed onto the ground. He couldn't run from who he was. His father would have hated this. Hated everything he's been forced to do. No...chosen to do. It wasn't until he let his hands fall against the ground that he noticed his own blue puffy jacket.

Talia was wearing it.

Blank eyes stared up at the sky. Her cheeks, once full of life, paled so much that he almost didn't recognize her. One hand clutched a blaster, but it wasn't fast enough against the two blaster holes in her chest. The other hand lay in KayTuesso's, his shell of a body on the ground next to hers.

No....No!

Tears sprung from his brown eyes and he raked his hand against his chest as he sobbed. He yelled out, letting all of the air escape his lungs until his voice broke. He could feel the pain, the agony, the heart-wrenching emotions ripping the love out of his beating heart. Who did this? It couldn't...

Oh god. I killed them...

I killed them.

Cassian could see his own reflection in Talia's blood. Nonchalant. Emotionless. Not even one hint of remorse or tears in his eyes. Cassian cried out, filling the air with Talia's name as he cradled her cold form in his arms.

No! This hasn't happened yet!

He pleaded with himself in his own mind, but no matter what he did, his reflection stayed the same. Still. Calm. The perfect soldier.

Cassian shot up in his bed, covered in sweat and salty tears. He glanced around, noticing Kay was in the room in the corner, focusing his attention on some kind of device. Cassian quickly wiped his tears away and ran his hands through his damp hair. The image of Talia's lifeless face burned into his mind, causing him to squeeze his eyes shut and take a deep breath.