Built on Hope (Cassian Andor FF)

6. Lo Extraño

12 BBY

Rain pounded against the hard rock canyon below. Fog hung low close to the ground of the canyon, clouding over the images of the training dummies. The dummies were tied down with heavy rocks, and could only be seen with night vision scopes or quadnocs. The starry night sky had been covered by dark, stormy clouds. The harsh wind pushed against Cassian as he stayed low to the ground. He grasped his sniper rifle tightly, making his knuckles turn a ghostly white.

"Breathe normally. Steady your grip," his mother, Xyrias, instructed loudly over the howling noises. She knelt down beside him, observing his composure. They had been practicing for hours. It went from hand-to-hand combat to sniping practice dummies.

Cassian felt more confident with a blaster in his hand, rather than physical fighting. It was something about the control he had that soothed him. Physical fighting was too unpredictable.

The training dummies swayed back and forth, making the young Rebel's job much more difficult. Focus. Pretend the dummies are the droids that killed Papa. Cassian thought to ease his mind. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, slowly releasing the death grip he had on his gun. The plasma cartridge was full. He was in position. All he had to do was pull the trigger.

The images of that day came into view. Them running. The droidekas hot on their tail. The way his father looked at them as he shut the door. The blaster shots firing. He locked that image into his brain and started to shoot. The dummies down below jerked to the side, giving Cass the chance to shoot them before the wind tossed them to the other side. His father's last words echoed in his mind. Go, my loves.

Tears fell from Cassian's eyes onto his cheeks. This is for you, Papa. You'll be proud of me, wherever you may be. He shot round after round. Anger and loss swept up inside him, mixing together in a deadly concoction. Cassian reloaded bitterly, and pushed himself to keep going.

I'll make sure I can save the ones I love. I don't want to disappoint them like I did you. His hand swept down to the trigger in one fast move. He fired his weapon, pushing down the trigger harshly. The wind pushed harder against him and the dummies, but he would not give in. He was soaked from head-to-toe from the rain, and his body temperature dropped, but the warmth from his emotions distracted him. His face felt hot. Too hot. Cassian shot two, three more times until the dummies were nothing but sticks. Even when the clip ran out, he clicked the trigger over and over, yearning to shoot more.

"Stop," his mother ordered. The storm calmed, and all that was left was a calm wind and light rain. The clouds were lighter in color, but still filled the sky fully.

Cassian set his head against the scope on the rifle for a moment, hiding his tears from his mother. Crying was a sign of weakness. He knew better than letting things get to him...But this was about his father, a wound that hadn't healed. It had scabbed over, and he kept picking at it like a vulture.

Xyrias saw right through him and observed his pain. Through her hard training and efforts to make him one of the best soldiers the Rebels had, she failed to care for the salt in his emotional wound. They hadn't talked about what happened to his father since it happened eight years ago. Sure, she mentioned Kylath here and there, but mostly to motivate her son.

The motherly nature that had been smothered by her anger and discipline started to rise up from the ashes. She set her hand gently on Cassian's back and said in a soothing voice, "Let me see those adorable brown eyes."

They aren't adorable. Cassian snapped back in his mind. He was fourteen, not a child. Nonetheless, he raised his head from its resting position. This was his mother. He remembered the real her vaguely. The one that cared. The one who said she loved him every night before bed. The one who made his favorite food, Endwa, for dinner every weekend. She was back. It may be for a glimpse of a moment, or a few minutes. Either way, he was going to accept this moment of care and love.