His Tiny Dancer [COMPLETED]

III

"Alright everyone, welcome back from winter vacation. I hope you all stayed in shape. This is the first class back, and I think you all know what that means," she says with a growing smile. I had been so caught up in what happened at school today that I completely forgot what is always announced the first day of classes after the new year. "This year's spring performance, and for the seniors the graduating performance, will be the full length ballet of Giselle."

Immediately my eyes light up and I struggle to keep a smile from forming. Giselle has been my favorite ballet since I was twelve when I found it on YouTube. I love how the entire ballet tells a story. While ballets like Sleeping Beauty have numerous variations that don't affect the plot, almost every dance in Giselle helps move the story forward. There is a large amount of pantomiming, which is how dancers speak on stage. It is similar to sign language, for example placing two fingers to one's lips before holding one's hand in the air towards the audience means that the dancer loves the other dancer, and that they wish to be engaged to them. Or, making fists with one's hands and sending them downward in a cross is pantomime for "die." It has been my dream to be Giselle, the main dancer, since I first watched the ballet. I realize that I finally have a chance, especially since I am one of the few seniors in the company. Since it will be my last year here before I graduate and move on, I can hope that I will get special treatment when it comes to casting. That doesn't mean I don't have to work hard to get Giselle though.

Class begins with simple pliés. As always, I am attentive as the exercise is taught, even though we do a similar version to this exercise every day. Before the music starts I take my preparation in first position with my arms in preparatory. The old saying we are taught in a younger level runs through my head: chin up, shoulders down, ribs in, stomach lifted, elbows forward, thumbs in, pelvis tucked, knees straight, arches raised. It's a lot to remember, and there's so much more. Focusing on engaging the right muscles - not just the easiest ones - using my head and upper body while keeping my legs and hips highly technical, and overall making sure my movement looks pleasant while all of this is running through my head. At this point in my life most of this is muscle memory, there are still some corrections that I have to remind myself of so that they can become muscle memory. For example, when I was younger it was difficult for me to engage my stomach muscles enough, which lead to a sway back, open ribcage, and unengaged pelvis and thighs. Once I finally got my stomach under control, the rest started fixing itself with little reminders.

Now I can focus on how my dancing looks and developing my artistry. I do this by listening to my music and conveying emotions through my dancing. As the music begins for pliés I find the words of the steps in the piano notes. I sing in my head, demi plié, stretch, demi plié, stretch, grande plié six, seven, eight, combre forward, two, three, four, pour de bras back, six, seven, tendu, second position. All throughout class I develop my musicality by predicting accented notes and chords in the music and embellishing the simple combinations with épaulment and pour de bras, or the movement of my head and arms. This is what will make me stand out in class, my audition for Giselle, and my auditions for companies and summer programs later this spring.

I also focus on showing emotions through my arms and head. While my legs stay rigid and technical, I let my torso bend and make my arms like taffy when the piano plays a sad song, and I give a small smile and show accents in my fingertips when there is faster and happier music. Again, this ability will help me stand out from hundreds of other dancers at a big audition, but it also makes dancing even more enjoyable. Besides the rewards of seeing improvement in muscle tone and technique over a period of time, it's fun to dance with feeling. It takes so much focus and dedication to do all of this at once that there isn't space in my thoughts for anything other than dance. From the time class begins to the time class ends, I can only focus on this, and it's like my therapy. All thoughts of Noah immediately slip from my mind along with homework, tests and quizzes, what I want for dinner, everything. It gives me a chance to forget about it all.

But of course there are new worries that join the party of anxiety in my head when I think about auditions. I know the reason why I was cast as Clara when I was fourteen was my artistry. All of the other girls up for the role had just as nice technique as me, but I had already started thinking about the quality of my movement, even if I wasn't told to. Clara requires an incredible amount of acting, and the emotions that I already knew how to show in class helped me convince the judges at the audition that I could pull of Clara. After I was cast I started receiving many more corrections in class. Obviously my teachers wanted Clara to be the best she could be, and I was loving all of the attention. I did improve, and I was able to start correcting myself, which was crucial to the development of my technique.

That skill was especially crucial starting right after I finished as Clara. The in-class attention was dropped and I was in withdrawal. Everyone said I did amazing as Clara, and I had felt that I did, but it started to seem like I hadn't when I wasn't getting anymore corrections on my technique in class. Instead, I noticed that a large amount of the teachers' attention was given to Riley. She was multiple inches shorter than me, but she was also extremely petite, had very long legs for her height, and had very high natural arches and flexible feet. For non-dancers, feet are the least of one's worries, but as a dancer feet not only complete one's lines, but also define whether one has nice lines or not. Riley's feet were very bendy, so they looked very nice - especially in pointe shoes. My feet were not inflexible but they weren't nearly as impressive as hers. I found myself wanting to say to her, "You're really lucky Riley, I don't remember the last time I got a correction in class, but you get dozens every day." But I couldn't say that, not only because it was not my place to remark on how much attention she gets in class, but also because I knew exactly what she would say in response: "you're the one who got Clara, not me." And she would be completely right.

Four years later, I get the occasional correction. Riley still gets more than me, but I've gotten over it. She's my best friend at this school and I don't want anything to make me not like her, or to make her not like me. I need to focus on myself, not the other girls around me. Dance is insanely difficult, but I have a passion for it that helps me get through the rough patches. I would say that dancers have more passion than any other athletes. Of course, this is coming from a dancer's perspective.

And plus, who else could you catch saying something like, "ugh I wish I had her feet."

~~~~~

Written 7/12/17, Published 8/10/17
I'm gonna be honest with you I find this chapter a little boring but it explains a lot of background information about both ballet and Theresa so it was necessary! Thank you for reading!