Beautifully Damaged

12. Dark

As I walked away from him, Chris, I felt strangely numb. My brain felt like it was full of cotton, and my thoughts were slow. Bear was reluctant to follow me, which only added to the complete strangeness of my day so far- all two hours of it. The cold in the air was more evident, biting into my skin where I had barely felt it before. I slipped my flip-flops back on, realizing that they were still uselessly dangling from my hands.

The pressure behind my eyes increased as I attempted to make my way out of the park. I glanced down at Bear, trotting on resolutely beside me. Last time that I'd felt sick, he'd freaked out; I wondered if that had been a coincidence. Nothing fazed him now.

All I wanted to do was crawl into a nice, warm, clean bed. This headache, or whatever it was, was making it hard to think straight. I jolted, unsteady, and noticed belatedly that we had made it to the parking lot and that I had stumbled over the park pavement.

Bear pushed my hand with a cold nose, pointing me in the direction of our car. I simply followed the unspoken command. It hadn't really hit me, before, how strange Bear really was. He acted like a dog, most of the time, but he seemed to have more knowledge and intelligence than the average German shepherd. A sharp pain in my temples forbade me from pursuing my line of thought. I groaned, placing my hands over my forehead and stopped dead in my tracks.

After a patient moment, Bear put a little weight on my left leg, guiding me forward and rumbled shortly, deep in his chest. Meekly, I complied and tried to concentrate on getting to the car.

It was a small victory when I got there and sank down in the driver's seat. I could only pin the sudden strange feelings down to having caught something, and not noticing the symptoms until now. I had been awfully distracted, in any case, with my nightmare.

I leaned against the head-rest, feeling the urge to go back to sleep. I'd been up so early this morning; it wouldn't hurt to sleep now, just for a little while.

On cue, my eyes slid closed and presented me with intense relief, just from the absence of light.

As I faded into sleep, I wondered what was wrong with me. A sharp explosion of sound from beside me yanked me out of my momentary bliss. Startled, I felt my muscles snap to attention, tightening as Bear barked with such intensity, that I thought my head was going to burst.

"Stop it!" I yelled at him, flinching, and my hands flying to save my ears.

He wouldn't stop, and no amount of coaxing or yelling would get him to be quiet. The mist cleared from my mind and everything settled back into normal intensity. His barking was now, at worst, a mere annoyance.

"Fine, look, I'm not tired anymore!" I shouted, fighting to be heard over his booming vocals, "Stop it right now!"

I don't know if it was the clear irritation in my voice, or my frantic gestures, but he stopped. The pain returned, but duller this time, more easily ignored.

"Could you tell me what you're supposed to do, anyway?" I ground out, forgetting that I was talking to a dog. "Because I just can't deal with this!"

It was the second time, or maybe third, that tears had sprung to my eyes, but this time, they fell. I felt the cool of the steering wheel on my forehead as my chest heaved with sobs. Was it crazy to want to give everything back? The apartment, the money, the computer... everything? I would trade it all in a second for a family, for a normal life- for everything that I didn't have. 

***

Pushing his muzzle into the man's face once more, and giving him a quick lick, Bear followed his girl. He glanced back over his shoulder at the tall human sitting on the grass, then back at the shape of her; the one people called Blaise, though she was 'his girl' to him.