A Little Crush || Biadore [DISCONTINUED]

-5-

I sat in the taxi on the way back, knees tucked to my face, and let out round after round of tears. Shane had found me in the toilets crying, and lead us all out into cab. The atmosphere was friendly and caring. I sat in the middle seat at the back, and Roy and Ben sat to either side of me. Shane sat in the front, quietly.

I leaned into Ben's shoulder. They were all aware of how depressed I could get, and though they weren't really trained in it, they still tried to comfort me. Ben rubbed my head and played with my hair, whilst Shane kept saying how she hoped I was okay. Roy on the other hand, sat there silently, caught up in his thoughts, with a blank face.

I managed to suck up my tears to avoid awkward questions as we made it back to the tour bus. It started to move towards our venue, and I knew it would be at least an hour until we goth there, and a couple more until the actual show. Immediately, I flopped on my bed, and smushed my face into my pillow, and yelled into it. Roy entered the room also, still silent. Quietly snivelling, I lifted my head, to see him staring at me with glassy eyes.

As soon as we locked eyes, he came over, and scooped me up in his arms. He pressed my head against his chest, and firmly held me in an embrace. I giggled lightly through sniffs as he ran his hand through my hair. He shushed me, and leant his chin against my forehead. I knew he was sweet, but I'd never seen this much of a caring side of him before. I thought he just hated contact.

"Let it out, sweetheart." he purred, making sure I was comfortable. He sent shivers down my spine.

I clung to his shirt, and bawled. "I feel so shitty and useless. Everyone from my past life hates me, I'm not good enough, my life is just falling apart." I stuttered, making a wet mark on his shirt from my tears. "I've been there for Jay, given him my everything. I've supported him and kept his chin high, and I'm still not good enough."

Roy calmed me as he heard my voice raise. "You're more than good enough, Daniel." he assured calmly, his voice serious.

I snivelled. "He said that he wished I was more like Gia. Like my love and support wasn't as good as what Gia could offer."

Roy's grip on me tightened. He turned me around so I was staring right into his eyes. "Then he's a cunt, and he doesn't deserve you, the sweet, precious, beautiful, talented queen you are. You don't have to have anything to do with cunts, if you want to block him, but if you prefer, then I'll stay by your side for encouragement if you need to talk to him." It was like a weight had been lifted off of my chest, and I loved just watching him talk.

I wiped my eyes. "If we have a show with him for Battle of the Seasons, then I'd like you to be there with me." I smiled small. "So I guess if he's being mean, you can always read him to filth."

He laughed lightly also. I snuggled into his embrace, wiping my tears on him in the process. He awkwardly held onto me, and tensed up a bit as I drew away.

"Thank you, I needed to let that out somehow." I thanked, politely kissing his cheek before I could think about what I was doing. I saw him turned red, and he kept his hand against the part I'd made contact with. I gave it no mind, and started to do my makeup.

This reminded him that we had a show in a few hours, and so Roy scooped up a handful of clothes, and went into the bathroom to get changed. His cheeks were still red.

I giggled to myself, and part of me thought this to be a game. I'm just gonna flirt with him as I do with everybody, it's natural for me. Maybe I don't really like him, and my mind is just in it's slutty mindset or something. Maybe I just subconsciously think he's hot, and only wanna fuck him. It's animal nature I guessed.

I was feeling shit tonight, though most of it I had got out through Roy. Nevertheless, I slapped on my best black smokey eye, a large pair of false lashes, and dark red lipstick. I made faces in the mirror, making sure I would look badass from every angle. I changed into a skintight leather dress, and pulled on my favourite blue wig. I'd had it for almost a year now, so it was starting to get slightly bird nest looking, but that was just all part of the grunge look I was going for.

I knew I was most likely going to get drunk to forget my feelings that night, so I was reluctant to put on heels in case I fell over in the club again. Instead I chose some black Dr Martens.

Bianca came out of the bathroom, and I couldn't help but let my jaw drop. She wore a dark blonde wig, and a long black dress, with a slit up the leg to show off her well defined legs. She looks so different, and so hot. Which wasn't something I though Bianca could pull off without a punchline.

"My eyes are up here." she stated, in the gravelly voice that she always put on for Bianca, though slightly more serious than usual. She kept staring at my outfit, awkwardly.

I blushed, even though my makeup, but met her eyes with a smile. Getting to my feet and adjusting my dress a little, I gave her a signal that I was ready. We exited the room, and I sat on the sofa where Dela waited in full drag.

"You look so good!" Dela exclaimed, beaming.

I was pretty proud of how confident I felt in this; a few years ago I would have been so insecure wearing anything other than baggy clothes. Now I was excited when I got a chance to show my ass. Dela was wearing a pink showgirl look, similar to the gorgeous look she did in the glitter ball. I usually hated pink, and so I was so jealous when Dela actually made it look good.

"You look so adorable, I love it!" I replied, almost shaking from how excited I was. This show was going to be bigger than any show I'd ever done before, though not as big as the venue for the finale.

Bianca stood in the back quietly, and when I turned around to give her a comforting smile, she simply avoid eye contact with me, and kept a blank face. Rude.

Courtney basically fell out of her room, and she tried to hop around and put her heel on. I burst out laughing, and she played it off as a joke.

She recollected herself. "Anyway, if I come back late tonight, then it's cause I'm getting my brains fucked out, alright?" she laughed.

Everyone always made comments about how sexual I seemed to be, but really Courtney was the sexual predator, and I knew this staying out late was probably gonna be common on this tour with her.

I collected the rest of my things, including a notebook where I'd been writing lyrics and ideas for a new song. I didn't have a backing track yet, so I was going to sort it out and perform it at least before the end of the tour. I had so many aspirations for singing, and I'd already released 'Hello, I love you' and DTF. Right now my love for Bianca was distracting me from song writing, but it had also recently given me some ideas.

"So what are you gonna do on stage?" I asked Courtney, who was trying to steady herself.

She grinned. "Probably sing, do some comedy with Darienne. And I guess you'll be singing, in your amazing way." She rolled her eyes but it wasn't in a catty way.

I beamed, playing with my hair like I didn't know what she was talking about. "What about you, Dela?"

Bendelacreme played with the hem on her dress. "Just do some funny schtick with Jinkx and Sharon, and just be very hyper. As usual."

I groaned. "And Bianca will do classic Bianca, of course. But gawd, you're all funny! I don't have an ounce of funny in my entire self. I'm fucking jealous." I leant my chin against my hand.

Courtney smirked at me. "You do funny as you go about your day. You're ditzy and you always end up in funny situations."

"But I could never do stand up, I'm shit at making people laugh without me falling over something." I sighed. I threw my hands up, giggling. "Comedy isn't punk rock anyway."

We chuckled, as we finally reached the venue, and the bus came to a halt. I noticed Bianca was being very quiet. Dela and I hung back as we headed out of the bus and walked into the building. Bianca had a face like a slapped arse, and when Dela tapped her on the should to check if she was alright, Bianca just nudged her off, and said nothing. I gave Bianca a dirty look as she looked in my direction for a second, and Dela headed back over to be.

I wasn't going to let a clown in a wig who had mood changes like Cher changing wigs, get me down.