Battle Scars

twenty

"Five minute warning!" Justin announces. He looks down at Blaine, making his move in B.S., and signals for him to follow him. "You, Blaine Butterfield, come with me. We need to change your meds."

Blaine looks over at Ethan and I, as if he's checking to see its safe.

"Don't worry, kid. They ain't gonna do anything to you." Ethan says, reassuring the apprehensive boy.

Blaine nods, then walks away, waving bye to us. We wave back, then Ethan begins to clean up the cards.

"Woah, wait. Aren't we going to play another game?" I say.

Ethan shrugs and shakes his head. "B.S. isn't as fun with two players."

My lips form an O as I nod. Ethan adjusts his glasses as he shuffles, then packs the cards.

"So, what's next?"

Ethan stands up and returns the cards to Justin, then walks back over to me. "We only have five minutes left, Am."

I raise an eyebrow and half smile. "So? Think of something to do. Something between a one-to-five minute ratio."

He sits down right next to me and stares into my eyes with a smirk. Looking away for a second, he starts making a clicking noise with his lip, as if he's making up his mind. Then, suddenly he looks back at me with the same smirk as I bite my upper lip.

"I have an idea." He says. He stands up and gently grabs my arm, gesturing me to follow him somewhere.

"What sort of idea?" I snicker as Ethan leads the way.

We end up in a small hidden area. Brick wall, sunlight, and a single tree surrounding us.

"What are we supposed to do over here for four minutes?"

Ethan shrugs as he kneels down against the wall. I sit cross-legged next to him.

"Well, you said you wanted me to be more open with you, right?"

I look at him in the eye and nod. "Yeah.. but what's so personal about a little hidden area?"

Ethan's eyes face the sun, as he lets out a soft exhale, and scoots slightly away from me, revealing words and tallies from where he was sitting.

I narrow my eyes at the words; forming disturbing phrases.

I miss you..

Just let me die..

Why didn't you let me die..

FUCK..

Get me out of here..

My chest starts to feel internally numb, and my eyes widen as I continue reading the short sentences.

"Ethan..what is this?" I say as my voice suddenly sounds slightly fearful and confused.

Ethan sadly smirks and lets out a weak scoff. "I wrote this shit." he says, slowly shaking his head in disbelief.

I peer up at him and notice the sudden dejection in his eyes. As he notices my view, his expression turns into a weak smile. I give him a sympathetic look as he continues speaking.

"When I first arrived here...shit, I was a mess." He traces the writing with his index finger, looking back down at the ground. "They thought I was bipolar," he chuckles. "but I actually just lied about my drug use. They thought the withdraws were signs of anger, and bad mood swings."

Drugs? Ethan actually did drugs?

"What kinds of drugs?" I ask him.

Ethan bites his lip ring and looks back down at the ground, then softly chuckles.

"You probably think I'm a drug addict now, but no. I just simply smoked weed and occasionally popped Xanax."

My brows flutter in confusion as I hear the familiar word. I remember how I was prescribed Xanax in sixth grade for anxiety. I remember how drowsy and lightheaded it made me feel.

"Why would you want to illegally take anxiety meds?" I ask him.

"Well see, the thing is, xanax is how I attempted."

I freeze in confusion. "Ethan, what are you trying to say?"

"I downed two bottles of xanax, in my attempt of taking my own life."

I freeze in place and my eyes meet his. His mouth is partly open, and he has a sad look on his face.

"Ethan.." I start.

I'm suddenly inturrupted by the collision of our lips. My eyes remain wide and still for a few seconds, before they relax. I smile into the kiss as my heart thumps wildly. His lip ring chattering against my teeth.

As Ethan gently pulls away, he holds my shoulders. My heart continues to pump like an engine.

"Wha.." I start, but my mouth refuses to form words.

"Amber..what led me to all of this was false love. False, fake, deceiving love..mixed with my self-doubt."

I stare into his glazed emerald eyes as a small smile begins to form on his face.

"You're what I should have been searching for this entire time.." he says.

I extend my right arm and run my fingers through the back of his smooth hair, pulling him back into a soft, slow kiss.

"Five minutes is up, everyone!" The loudspeaker rings us out of our romantic trance.

"We should get going." I whisper to him, rubbing his neck.

"Yeah."