Guns and Giggles

3. Addict and a Savage

This is my chance. I thought as I prepared myself for the moment that could make or break my future.

"I-I'm just like rumplestiltskin" great start "I can do things you won't even imagine, like I somehow know everything and still know nothing"

They look confused, it's working.

"I notice things that no normal person would, not the important stuff like where I left my glasses but stuff like 'Ohh that man has a side chick he bangs in the hotel near the new Starbucks but his wife is dating a younger guy so I guess it's tit for tat'. I notice inhumane things too but not like Ghosts or anything, I'm not that crazy, although I do believe in the theory that they live in a different dimension parallel to ours."

They all were still looking at me with the 'what are you trying to prove dumb lady?' look. I sighed.

"I can hide a body or help you kill someone without it getting messy, those cute marble balls you see there on that table, I can turn that into a murder weapon! By the way, Mr. Stranger your shot would have killed the guy a lot quicker it you moved your gun slightly upwards and for god's sake can you please tell me your name?"

Mr. Stranger rolled his eyes and walked towards me, trying to intimidate me, "Do you always talk this much trash or is today a special day?" he asked rhetorically.

And me being me I had to answer a that question "What I say isn't trash, although I would love to be PHAN trash, you just need high intellect to understand me, and yes today it's a special offer, just for you" I said walking towards him, looking deep into his eyes, too close to his face and then whispered in his ear "say your name".

"Did you just try to hypnotize me into telling my name?" He said as he was shocked, wasn't the first time I tried that.

"What do you mean you can kill someone?"Michael looked at me sceptically, "Are you from The Snake Heads?!" he asked quickly pointing his loaded gun on me. Others except Mr. Stranger mirrored his action making me reflexively put my hands up.

"No no NOOOO I'm not from that Gang and what kind of name is 'The Snakes' shouldn't it be something like 'Al capuccino' or 'The Crowns'?" I asked to no one in particular.

"Yeah I agree, they should have thought more. But ironically​ they are the snakes of the city, Syltherin through and making a mess."

Zach said with his almost permanent amused grin, his mischievous eyes hinting that the Harry Potter joke was intended.

"So... um... are you guys called... The Gryffindor?" I asked trying to hide my smile, still looking at Zach who snorts.

"No!" Steve exclaimed, "We are," Mr. Stranger added, pausing for dramatic effect, "The Phoenix".

And That was when I lost it for good. I couldn't hold it in anymore and I burst out laughing, holding my stomach.

"Di-did you g-guys watch the Harry P-Potter series before n-naming your gangs?" I asked between wheezing uncontrollably and falling on the bed behind me.

"Michael gag her mouth" Stranger said getting irritated as the moment ticked by, even though I could sense the smile he was trying to hide. Just a little curve on the side.

"No wait I'll tell you!" I said putting my hands in front on me in a protective stance, still on the bed. "You see I have been asking questions since I was able to talk, some even say my first word was 'why?'. I like to think that I knew how hard life is going to be and had an existential crisis since I was a toddler. So my genius parents did the opposite of what other parents would do, they got the best TV connection and the best internet they could get their hands on. Just so I could shut up and let them live peacefully. Fast forward a few years and now I have been through it all, Dexter, Blacklist, Mentalist, Listener, Dr. House, C.S.I., Law and order- you name it. I was addicted. I even predicted a Sherlock episode once, that was the highlight of my life." I sighed dramatically remembering those days.

"Coming to your point, I knew a consultant at the Police department and helped him solve a few cases​. Let's just say Game of Thrones wasn't​ releasing it's new season until another 2 weeks. Then I interned there, yes interned weird right? My dad pulled some strings, and I learned all the trades they could offer. I talked to much didn't I? Can I get some water? Tap water is fine." I came to a stop, looking around. Huh, if this was a video I would definitely make a gif out of their reactions, I thought laughing to myself.

Mr. Stranger still didn't believe me, Steve went to fetch me some water, Mr. Buffy looked like he was having an internal battle, Zach's​ mouth was wide open, he's going to start drooling if he doesn't close it and Michael was looking at his boss for his next order.

Steve gave me a glass of water as he asked "So you want to be a Criminal Consultant?" "Oh don't be silly Steve, we don't need her, we are fine on our own" Michael butted in.

"We could use a woman's Point of View, they do have an admirable skill set. Only if she promises to shut up." Mr. Buffy proposed to Mr.Stranger. It looked like his words really mattered to Mr.Stranger as he was on the verge of agreeing.

How will I give my opinion if I shut up? Dumb fúcks.

"I'll think about it" yaaaaas b!tch! "Everyone get back to your work, Zach keep an eye on her" he ordered. Why not both eyes? I mumbled under my breath causing Zach to smirk.

"Steve lock the room, Michael and Brian, in my office." he continued.

"Wait Mr. Buffy your name is not Dan? You look like a Dan, not like you are on fire or anything. Fire is hot tho, not like you are not hot. I-I mean you are hot there is no question, no like I'm not into you NO-"

"Steve, NOW" Mr. Stranger cut my awkward babble off.

" Atleast tell me your name! Hey Steve what's Mr. Grumpy's name?"

"Don't you dare say my name"

"Aww come on! Do you want me to call you daddy? Or master? Is name calling some kind of fetish for you?" I asked as he went outside the huge brown door.

No reply.

"Just so you know I KNOW HOW TO OPEN A LOCK FROM THE INSIDE" I said as they locked me in.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

A/N:

Sometimes when you shake the door enough, it opens itself.

Wasn't a metaphor for life, but if it was, it would have been a good one.