Bad At Love | Halsey

Thoughts

"What the fuck are you doing?" I ask myself as I throw my clothes on the floor and step into the shower. "She's your best friend, for god's sake. You're just confused. Stressed. Feeling a little lonely." I turn on the water and let it spray my face with force. And that's when I realize I've gone into panic mode. "Oh shit."

I only talk to myself when I'm absolutely completely freaked out. Great.

"Calm down," I tell myself, letting my hair grow wet as I stand there contemplating. "Sure, you've thought about Ash a lot, but she's your best friend." I commence my personal pep talk. I squirt some shampoo into my palm before starting to wash my hair.

My mind flickers to the way her lips turn up when she smiles. Her legs and how long they are. The curve of her hips.

"No," I snap, rubbing my scalp with ferocity, as if that will drive the thoughts from my mind. "This is wrong," I tell myself. "She's your best friend," I repeat.

What if I broke up Ash and Grant because I wanted to be with her? I'd like to think I was only thinking of her wellbeing.

As I rinse my hair, my mind wanders to the time I was seventeen...

"Come on," Ash says, ushering me into a bedroom. We're at a party. The music is loud and obnoxious. We need to get away from the sound.

"God, it's loud even in here," I groan, plopping down on the bed.

"It's better, though," Ash says, sitting down beside me.

"Yeah," I say, looking to her. She's wearing a short golden dress that shows off her legs, and my eyes flicker to her cleavage. She looks incredible. Her lilac hair is messy yet chic, and I find myself staring.

She doesn't seem to notice. "Do you think it's nicer to kiss a girl?"

I almost choke on my own saliva. "What?" I sputter, and she laughs.

"Chill, Lolo. I was just thinking because of those two girls downstairs," she responds, meeting my eyes.

"Oh." I look down, and she touches my chin, making me look to her again.

"Do you want to try?" she asks softly, and I feel my cheeks flush.

"Kiss?" I ask, and she nods. "Okay," I respond, my voice going slightly high.

She leans in slowly, and then, our lips meet. Her lips are so soft and warm, and I start to feel butterflies in my stomach. I feel as though I'm floating, and I move my hands to her face.

She moves closer, putting her hand on my hip. I shiver at her touch, and she slides her tongue along my lips. I slowly part them, and our tongues touch. She deepens the kiss, and my head spins.

She tastes slightly of alcohol, but neither of us are drunk. It feels like we're kissing forever before she pulls away.

She laughs lightly as she presses her forehead to mine.

"Definitely better than kissing a boy," she says after a moment, and I feel my cheeks flush. I wouldn't know. She was my first kiss, after all.

My eyes snap open, and water immediately gushes into them. I yelp in pain and cover my eyes. I hadn't even realized I'd closed my eyes and had been right under the shower head like that.

I cough a few times and rub my eyes, finally opening them again. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. But I hadn't thought about it for years. I had told myself I shouldn't.

Just a schoolgirl crush, I'd said to myself. But do schoolgirl crushes last three years?

I let out a breath and start conditioning my hair.

"Fucking thoughts," I mutter, pushing them to the back of my brain once more. 

A/N

there's a frame story hehe