Bad At Love | Halsey

No Going Back

"You can't go out tonight," Grant says, making Ashley frown.

"But there's a huge sale at the mall," I say, making him look toward me. His stormy grey eyes practically stare through me, and his jaw locks. He's mad. I look to Ash, who looks nervous. She's wringing her hands and chewing her lip. Something is going on between these two.

They've been together for about a year, and I'd never considered they weren't happy until about a month ago. It started with small things....

———

"Don't eat that," he said, snatching the last of Ashley's sandwich. She opened her mouth to protest, but she immediately closed it again. She wouldn't look at me, instead looking down at her now empty plate. "She's watching her weight now," Grant explained.

"Why, Ashley? You look fine," I said. She shrugged, still not meeting my eyes.

"She needs to lose a little," Grant said, making me bristle.

When I opened my mouth to snap at him, Ashley finally spoke, "Yeah. I'm watching my weight." She looked to me, and I could tell from her expression that she didn't want me to say anything more.

A week later, Grant and I were waiting for Ashley.

"How are things?" I asked, and Grant looked to me as if I just insulted him.

"Fine," he responded curtly. Grant had never spoken about his feelings or personal life—to me, anyway. Perhaps he was more open with Ash.

"Sorry to have kept you waiting," Ash said, running out of her apartment. She was wearing a pretty white skirt that showed off her legs and a matching white crop top. As I was about to compliment her, Grant spoke up.

"You can't go out looking like that."

Before anyone could say anything more, he grabbed Ashley's arm and practically dragged her back inside. I was left in shock, and as I debated for a few minutes whether or not I should go inside, they returned, Ashley now wearing jeans and a flannel. 

———

It was those little things that I noticed and finally suspected that something was going on. I was in denial. I wanted to think that Grant was just protective of Ashley. And maybe she said she wanted to lose weight, and he was supportive. And maybe he's worried that he's going to lose her, so he's a little clingy.

It doesn't help that I feared I was misperceiving things because I just wanted an excuse to get Grant out of the picture.

I never wanted to say anything for fear of losing Ash as a friend. If she truly loved him and I said something bad about him, she'd become mad at me without a doubt. I can't lose her.

Seeing her like this, I just can't stand by anymore. There's clearly something truly wrong with their relationship. She looks scared now. I've seen her look nervous but never this scared.

"We're going," I say, standing up and looking Grant in the eye.

"Lolo, it's fine. I'm staying here with Grant," Ash says, and I turn to look at her.

"No. It's not fine." I turn back to Grant. "I've stood by and watched you chastise her, force her to wear what you want her to wear, only eat the things you allow her to eat, and force her to do every fucking thing you tell her to do." I narrow my eyes at him, almost daring him to speak. "I was in denial," I tell him. "But I don't care anymore if Ash gets mad at me and leaves me. I care about her too much to let this keep happening."

"What are you saying?" he counters, crossing his arms.

"You're fucking abusing her. You can't do this to her," I respond, gritting my teeth. I have had it with this fucker.

"I'm not abusing her. I love her," he tells me, and I clench my fists.    

"No. You don't love her. I love her," I retort, and he narrows his eyes at me.

"Ashley," he snaps, and she lets out a little squeak. "Do I abuse you?"

I look to her, and she looks scared out of her mind.

"I can protect you, Ash," I say, extending my hand to her. "Say the truth."

She doesn't take my hand. Instead, she replies with a simple, "No." Her voice shakes, and anyone could tell that she's lying. But the weight of that one word is immense.

"See?" Grant says, and I turn to him.

"She's obviously lying," I respond, but in my heart, I know this isn't going to work. I can't do anything unless she tells the truth.

"No, she's not." He steps forward. "I'm sick of this. Let's go, Ash," he says, reaching for her. I can see her pull away, and I don't even know how I let it get this bad. I should have said something sooner. But I can't change that now.

"No." I step between him and Ashley.

"Move, Lauren," he says, seeming almost annoyed instead of mad.

"No. She's staying here with me," I tell him, and for a moment, I fear he's going to hit me. His fists clench, and his jaw locks. We stare at each other, and I can see how mad he's getting by the moment. But instead of hitting me, his shoulders slump down.

"Fine. For today," he says, spinning around abruptly and leaving just like that.

I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding in. I hear the door slam, leaving us in my apartment.

"Ash—" I start as I turn around.

"Why would you do that?" she asks, and for a moment, I feel like I've heard her wrong.

"What?"

"Look what happened!" she exclaims, throwing up her hands and standing up. "He's gone now."

"Ashley, are you serious?" I ask, and she narrows her eyes at me.

"Yes. I love him. How could you do this to me?"

It's as if everything I feared is really happening. And now, I can't go back.

A/N

I'm so excited for this story wow omg

special thanks to SephiaAnne for inspiring me to write this! Love ya! xx