[ worth it ] t.s / DISCONTINUED /

[1]

*SELF HARM / SUICIDE WARNING*

April 5 2016
"I'm going to miss you so much Brydee. Thanks for everything. I love you. I'll see you soon." David said embracing me tightly. I hugged him back, tears streaming down my face. I don't want to let go. I never will want to let go. "I gotta go Brydee... I'll call you later ok. I love you so much" I let go of my cousin David unwillingly and sniffle loudly. "I don't want you to go David" I said knowing that his flight was leaving in 2 hours. "I'm going to miss you so much" I hugged him one last time before watching him walk away and into the airport. I got back into my car and started the journey back home. For the whole hour ride home from the airport I cried. David was gone. David. was. gone.

*•. *•. *•.

David Dobrik. My cousin and one of my best friend. David had come out to Australia just over 2 years ago and had lived with me the whole time. He was more than my cousin to me. He was more like a brother. For 2 years my life had been amazing. I had an amazing boyfriend. Loving parents. Good grades. A bright and successful seeming future. An amazing best friend, and practically 2 fun, protective, loving brothers. Little did I know everything & everyone I loved was soon going to be ripped to shreds in half a year...

*•. *•. *•.

October 1st 2016

I should be happy right now. There are 23 days until I turn 20. But I can't be happy. Even if I tried my hardest. No ounce of joy is running through my body. I just want it to end. All the pain. All the suffering. I just want it all to go away. I stared down at what I was holding in my hands. A sharp, sharp razor blade. I thought back to a year ago. I was probably enjoying my life, completely happy without a care in the world. And now, a year later I'm ready to die. In my locked bathroom, at the age of 19.

Ever since David left at the start of April everything has been going downhill. It first started with my boyfriend of 3 years dumping me over text because 'I was too sensitive and clingy' which I mourned about for months. Timothy and I had known each other since the beginning of high school and absolutely hated each other. When it got to grade 9 I began to slowly develop a crush on him. Soon enough he asked me to be his girlfriend and i gladly accepted. We had been dating ever since. Timothy was a fairly tall guy with bleached white hair. He was always a little crazy and that's exactly what I liked about him. He was unique and quirky, no one was quite like Timmy. When I received a message from him that said he was breaking up with me I didn't believe it. I loved him. He loved me. Or so I thought. Safe to say, my heart was shattered.

The tragedies escalated very quickly when a few months later I was calling my best friend to check up on her, only to hear the voice of a paramedic notifying me that Samantha had been in a car crash and was in critical condition. I started freaking out. Samantha had just gotten her license and wasn't exactly the smoothest driver. She was on her way to her boyfriends house, we knew everything about each other's lives. I was crying for a solid 2 hours, from when I got the call until I heard that she was ok and awake. I went into go see her and after barely 5 minutes of being there I was rushed out after watching the heart monitor go from up and down to flat. I watched my best friend die. Samantha was my only friend. She was my lifelong best friend. Once again my heart was smashed to pieces.

Once I was diagnosed with severe anxiety I started getting stressed about everything. From simple things like meeting new people to stresses everyone goes through, like handing in my university work. Nothing was going right so I just dropped out. I couldn't take it anymore. My parents got incredibly mad, they were pissed that they wasted all that money on my education just for me to throw away because I was stressed. They never took my anxiety and panic attacks seriously. They always just called me a drama queen and said I was over reacting...