Ink Stained

77: for you*

She sighed in relief. The words stumbled out of her, running into each other as she babbled mindlessly, trying to ease the tension in her hands by distracting herself. "It's not deep, but it needs to be closed. I have to stitch it because there's nothing to cauterize the wound. I don't – I don't know how to get the poison out, though. He said it'll come out on its own, but..."

"He wasn't lying," Shin said in a thin voice. He winced, paused, continued. "The pain is there, but it's lessening. It'll be gone soon."

The unspoken words bouncing in the empty echoes between them were, I hope.

"Okay," she whispered. She uncapped the green bottle of iodine and poured it out into the white lid, then made another wad of cotton and dipped it in the brown liquid. "Okay, this – this one will sting...a lot."

His hand clenched around the bed covering, and he nodded curtly. She gently pressed the brown ball of cotton on the wound, watching the liquid flow through the wound into his skin. Shin inhaled sharply, and she flinched inwardly, wishing she knew how to administer anaesthetic.

But she continued. It wasn't like she could just stop. She worked in silence as she put in as much iodine as she thought advisable before she stopped and discarded the used cotton into the third metal bowl she'd brought, already filled with other balls soaked in dyed red water.

After that was done she set to readying the curving needle and wiry thread. She licked her lips nervously as she pulled the two separated halves of his skin together and poked the needle through. Her stomach rolled nervously, but more out of fear of doing something wrong than her being squeamish.

After all her dreams, all her nightmares, she doubted she was prissy to begin with.

She paused when Shin's hand fisted in the bed covering, then went on, dabbing away anything that seeped out. She tried to be as gentle as she could, but there was only so much she could do without hurting him.

Then, finally, it was done.

She leaned back on a shaky exhale to inspect her handiwork, and thought Kanou would be proud of her. The stitching was neat and did its job of keeping his wound securely closed, though the area around it was deathly pale. No more blood leaked out. Even if a scar remained, the wound would heal quickly. Especially considering he was a powerful Ayakashi in his own right.

"I'm done," she said quietly, relieved, swiping her pyjama-sleeve clad arm over her forehead beaded in cold sweat. She pushed herself to standing and walked back to the medicine cabinet. "I – I'm sorry if it hurt."

"'s fine," he replied drowsily.

She glanced back at him, concern wiggling in her heart as she turned back to search the cabinet. She returned to his side with a box of big bandages in her hands, already ripping the top open and reaching in to pull one out. She knelt on the ground beside the bed again, carefully peeling the bandage open and flattening it out firmly over the now closed wound.

Her gaze drifted as she spied the dark ink markings of his tattoos at the back, peeking over his shoulder just a bit. She didn't see the markings of his status as Daitengu that the other men had inked on their chests, but then she remembered Daichi telling her that the tattoo was only seen when they wanted it to be.

It was only now, when the worst of the worry wore off now that she'd treated his wound as best she could, that a slow-working burn built up in her cheeks as she cast her eyes over Shin's well-formed body. She shook her head roughly, dragging her mind away from such thoughts, ashamed at herself for having them in the first place in such a situation.

Shin, surprisingly, didn't make a sound as she finished up with the bandaging. She wondered if the effects of the poison were starting to wear off, or if it was because he was about to pass out. She stood, removed her gloves and threw them into the waste basket. She leaned over Shin, lining her hand up along the side of his face. His eyes were closed, but they flickered open at her touch and wandered a bit before focusing on her.

His hand came up and he held on to her wrist, keeping her right where she was when she made to move her hand away. A small frown worked his dark brows low as he looked up at her leaning over him, her hair falling to frame around them like a white curtain trapping them in their own little world.

"How am I ever going to beat someone like him?" he asked quietly as he looked into her eyes, like he really thought she could answer him.

She gulped, bit her lip. She desperately wished she knew what to say. "I don't – I don't know." She wished she knew how, so she could help him, instead of just sitting by and watching him get hurt because of what consequences her mistakes wrought. "I don't know."

His eyes lowered to her lips, staring at them, transfixed. For a second she couldn't move – even without him holding her wrist she wouldn't have been able to move away. She couldn't stop staring at Shin in puzzlement, wondering at the slight darkening of his eyes as he looked at her. Something stirred in her abdomen, something she wasn't familiar with.

With a slow nod he released her, the moment between them broken by reality. She pulled away, straightening as she fought to calm her frantic heart, trying to puzzle out why he looked at her like that, why that something strange tightened her stomach. She thought about going to see if there was something else from the medicine cabinet she could get, to try and gather her scattered wits about her, but she paused.

She sank down, sitting just on the edge of the bed. She looked out the window the bed was set under, watching a trio of birds circle outside. They spun and wheeled around each other in a dance, flying to a tune only they could hear as they twittered a song out for the winds to beat through.

"I don't know how you can beat him, but..." she felt like a fraud for saying it, but she didn't know what other way she could encourage him. She wanted to look him in the eye as she said it, but she simply couldn't bring herself to. "But you can't give up. You can't give up, even if you think it doesn't matter if Shini – if he comes out. It does matter, because you have a whole family waiting for you to come back home. So you can't give up, Shin. We...I don't know what I'll do if you do."

She finally looked down at him, and a twinge of disappointment went through her. Of course this would happen.

His eyes were closed, his breathing slow and steady. He was so tired and drained from everything that happened, he must've fallen asleep faster than he usually did. She didn't even feel bad that he hadn't heard a word she'd said – he slept so little as it was. She was glad he was getting the rest he desperately needed.

But for a second, before she could convince herself to leave, all she could do was stare down at him.

She'd never actually seen him asleep. Despite the pallor to his tan skin, he looked more at ease, more peaceful, than she ever remembered seeing him when he was lucid. It was such a change to the usual Shin she knew that she couldn't help sitting right where she was for a few seconds, simply watching him. Then she noticed his lips moving.

Hesitantly, she leaned forward until her ear was close to his lips, a frown almost bringing her eyebrows together as she tried to make out what he was saying.

"You," he mumbled. "I won't...for you."