Boy

SEVEN

Lunch is lonely in the worst way. Daniel is used to it, used to sitting alone, but it's also almost painful because Alex is eating alone too, a few tables away. Daniel keeps trying to catch his eye - but Alex won't so much as glance in his direction. It's almost frustrating.

So Daniel sits there, gloomy, gazing at Alex while eating his usual poutine. God, why didn't he just kiss him? Well, he knows exactly why; Cody.

The split second Alex went to kiss him, Cody's offer rang in Daniel's ears, and of-freaking-course he had to turn away. But why? How did things go so well and then so bad all of a sudden?

Right then, sitting at the table, Daniel kind of wants to die. Not in an overly dramatic way, but he kind of quietly wants to slip away, wants to politely leave and just kind of give up.

He realizes siting there that people are assholes, himself included, and he has nobody to care if he was to slip away. Alex probably won't care. His parents won't care too much, maybe at first, but they have three other kids to care for so what does it really mater?

As he thinks to himself quietly, staring out, he rubs his bad arm. He does this until something catches his eye.

Around Alex's table, there's movement, and Daniel glances in that general direction. There's somebody siting down across from Alex; Daniel can't see who until he realizes its Cody by the back of his head. Jealousy pours through every inch of his being, but he brought this on, right?

He watches closely as the two of them begin to talk, and he watches as Cody does every little thing possible to flirt with him - kicks him gently under the table, winks, and Daniel can't hear their conversation but he can take a guess and say it's flirtatious, too.

And what's worse, what makes the jealousy burn twice as much, is how Alex is falling into it. he's shyly laughing, blushing even, rolling his eyes and - and he just kicked Cody back under the table. Daniel wants to stand up and interfere, but suddenly he's aware of a handful of people watching him.

Because what was Daniel thinking? If the trans boy interfered with that, something would start, a scene, and people generally have enough material to make fun of Daniel as it is.

He forces his eyes away from the two boys and stares at the wooden table. He's about to start breathing, in and out, but then he hears Alex's voice, flirtatious to Cody from across the cafeteria, and he looses it. Tears form in his eyelids.

He shakes his head to force the tears away, and a few people are staring at him. He suddenly can't breathe properly. Daniel can't breathe, and god damn it, he realizes his thing is happening again; in public.

He abruptly stands up from the table. He needs to be somewhere alone. He walks out of the cafeteria, abandoning his poutine, and he can feel eyes on him until he breaks out into the hallway. He rushes to the bathroom.

When he gets there, he pushes himself into a stall, shuts the door behind him and breathes heavily.

He scratches at his wrists, wanting, needing something to cut him and make him feel in control - the tears come back and slide down his cheeks in a grand return. Quiet sobs escape his chapped lips.

And then, in the bathroom stall, Daniel Robert Johnson is at his worst. He's hit rock bottom, and he decides that he is inevitably going to die.

He sits there and cries, the occasional choke or whimper leaving him. Until the sound of the door opening mixes in with these sounds, and Daniel immediately quiets himself.

But still, his breathing is jagged and uneven and loud. It's something he cannot control, and whom ever just walked in speaks. "Hello?"

The voice sounds strangely familiar. Daniel stays quiet, however, or at least as quiet as he can be.

Again, they speak. "Hello? Who's there? Are you okay?"

When Daniel doesn't respond again, he expects the person to just give up - but instead, he hears them start to open stall doors. When they reach his, Daniel tries his best to make it look like he wasn't just crying, wiping his tears frantically - but it's too late.

The stall swings open, and Daniel mentally cusses at himself for not bothering to lock it. At the same time that he's revealed, so is the other person, and he's surprised to see a familiar face looking down on him.

"Oh," says Liam Richards, the boy from his English class. Daniel stays quiet, glaring at him with red eyes. "Um, hi. Danielle, was it?"

"Daniel," he says quietly, because what does it even matter anymore? Daniel or Danielle, he's still the same person inside.

Liam always has been relatively nice to Daniel, but they aren't friends, they're hardly friends. in fact, all of Liam's friends hate Daniel, but the two of them have always been friendly at the least. A smile-at-each-other-in-the-halls kind of friendship.

"Daniel," Liam repeats. "Well, um, are you okay?"

"No."

"Oh." There's a pause, and Liam glances away. Nobody likes dealing with the bullied kid. Daniel pities him. "What's wrong?"

Unsure if he can trust him, Daniel is slow to respond. "Everything," he eventually breathes. Liam just nods, as if he actually understands.

They stay there quietly for a while, Daniel sitting on a toilet seat, Liam standing outside the stall. The silence is strangely comfortable, however, as if their grief is shared.

"Hey," Liam eventually says, "if you need anything, just talk to me, okay?"

"Your friends hate me," Daniel laughs.

"Well I don't like them very much either. They're dicks, if I'm being honest." The other boy shrugs. There's another pause. "Hey, um, on that note. Do you know about that big party at Ryan Cross' house?"

"No."

"Oh. Well, there's a party there this Friday, and of course my boring assholes of friends aren't going. Do you wanna go with me? You look like you could use the fun." He offers a small smile.

"I guess," says Daniel, kind of really just wanting him to go away.

"Great," says Liam. He proceeds in writing down the house address for Daniel, and, thank god, leaves after a quick goodbye.

And Daniel is left there to think.