Boy

THREE

The next day at school is awkward. Daniel wears the baggiest jeans he can find with a sweater, and he leaves the house before his parents notice. They'll probably force him to wear a t-shirt if they see him, but with his arm, he can't let that happen.

He looked at his arm this morning. It was bright dark blue, already beginning to scab - and he can't blame it on anything. He can't really say he tripped somewhere, because he has a bleeding word on his arm that looks very much on purpose.

Now, he walks into the school. When he gets to his locker, he sees movement coming at him, and sure enough it's Alexander.

The  blue haired boy offers a smile. "Hi, Daniel!"

Again, when he says Daniel's name it causes butterflies to dance in his stomach. For a moment he forgets that he's a sinner, because for a moment he smiles, too. "Hi, Alex."

"What's up with the sweater? It's hot outside."

"Oh, um, I had nothing else to wear today. Forgot to do my laundry," and he's surprised at how easily he can lie.

"Okay." Alex blinks. He's wearing a hat today, a grey snap back with the front situated at the back of his head. His hair is slightly messier than yesterday, and he's wearing an old grey NASA shirt with black jeans. He looks good. Daniel looks away before he does something stupid like blush. But he looks back at Alex when no words are said, and now he's staring. "Um, you're staring at me again."

"S-sorry," Daniel is quick to say, cheeks heating up.

"It's okay. I like it when you stare at me, anyways."

Immediately, Daniel flinches in surprise and blushes. "What?"

Alexander pauses before shaking his head. "Never mind," he mumbles, "Never mind. Let's get to class."

"Y-yeah, okay." They walk side by side to English, and maybe it's just his imagination, but Daniel notices how close they are to each other. He looks over at Alex, studying his face, and he's surprised to see Alex already looking at him. They share a look before walking into the classroom, and people glare at them, and everything is normal again.

Daniel sits on his bed, notebook in his lap. He's writing again, he's not quite sure of what he's writing. But he's getting it all out of him and onto the page.

i wanna be a lot of things, so much pent up inside of me

i wanna be stronger, too long i've sat here undecidedly

planning strategy, half of me knows it's all just a fallacy

failing miserably, drastically and then i crash dramatically

into a wall i've hit a hunddark blue times before

and yet i still ignore the dark dark blue blood stains on the floor

and i'm back in front of you, lord, with the blood on the floor

is the blood mine or yours? Don't wanna do this anymore

It's part of a song, he decides, one that he'll probably never finish. Daniel wonders what his parents would think if they read his journal, his music - he lets out a dry laugh and closes the book.

There's a kind of blur in time, and soon enough he is staring at himself in the mirror. He squints his eyes and something doesn't seem right, he's not quite himself. He begins to wonder exactly who he is. Daniel or Danielle? His thoughts are suddenly pounding away in his head, and he's almost tempted to pick up his pin again. The second he feels the urge to, he knows something is wrong.