The Wolf and the Rose / Sequel to The Queen in the North

Twenty-eight

Twenty - eight

El was silent as she and Garlan walked hand in hand through the twilight lit white stone corridors. She was breaking, or perhaps she was already broken. All she wanted was to curl up in a ball and cry until no more tears would flow. Garlan was all that was keeping her from falling into the oblivion that was finding out what it was like to be truly broken. She would have shook uncontrollably if his hand was gripping hers as tightly as it was.

It was irrational of course. She'd lost two babies before this one. But for them she had time to grieve. It was this containment of this suffocating sadness and drowning divulgence into the throbbing pain. She felt sick in her stomach, like she'd swallowed pebbles and they were falling one by one into her belly. 

She'd been fine until Garlan had asked if she was alright, it was perhaps in that moment she realised she wasn't okay. The whole way home, she'd managed to block out the incessant humming that was almost unexplainable in its magnitude. It was immense, and it ate away at her. The consuming dark couldn't be named, though it was always there. Like a storm cloud that shroud her existence that hid behind lighter clouds and only was visible at times. But when it went dark- when her sky went dark like it was now. It was like she was floating above herself, powerless and separate to Her body. El was numb despite feeling Garlan's hand in hers, she almost didn't recognise his presence.

He wanted to help, of course he did. He felt distant, like she wasn't really stood beside him. It didn't help that everything was so normal in Highgarden. Though what was normal other than Garlan? Her home was gone and Highgarden could never really be her home so what was truly normal? Her head spun as the questions began their orbit around her mind.

Her thoughts were indescribably chaotic. Buzzing like bees near flowers, and thundering like dark clouds about to exploit with lighting and audacity. The noise was constant and inescapable now.

She'd been fine. Hours ago, everything was perfect.

What had changed?

The questions again, god damn it. Her thoughts protested.

"My love..." His voice barely reached her through the bustling screaming of her thoughts. He'd stopped walking and she'd backed against the wall, Garlan smoothed  his fingers along her loose curls. "We don't have to go El, we can just go back inside if you want." His words each dripping in the kindness she simultaneously loathed and adored about him.

She shook her head semi-violently, shaking those bad thoughts from her head, wiping a single tear from the corner of her eye before it managed to escape and roll down her cheek. "No." She said firmly. El was about to state how much she needed this, how she needed to be around people so much. Recently she'd began to thrive on other people like Garlan always had. She had needed them, especially coming home she'd needed to hear their voices. 

"We're going to talk about this later, okay?" He whispered As Axel and Sansa came around the corner. Their voices gleefully mocking in contrast to the hushed whispers exchanged between El and Garlan.

"Evening my lord." Axel beamed. He was dressed like clothes that he had obviously borrowed from someone in Highgarden. Since Axel would never normally be seen wearing a doublet with gold trimmings.

"I trust you've made yourself at home Axel." Garlan smiled, turning around to face Axel and Sansa. "And you Lady Sansa, you look truly radiant." Sansa did look wonderful El had to note. Her sister had always dreamed about the kinds of clothes they wore in Highgarden and here she was in a gown of a pale pink that looked a glowing rose against the ivory of her skin. 

They walked, while Garlan and Sansa made small talk about Sansa's pregnancy and the lovely weather. While El lingered behind just a few steps, Axel soon noticed and dropped back to join her. "How's Orla?" He whispered.