Survival

Father

As a child, I used to wonder if he loved me.

I would sit and stare at the wall

lost in my lonely thoughts.

I felt caged in never feeling free.

Isn't that how a child should feel?

As if there was nothing to worry about.

As if everything was alright.

I would see him once in a while.

He was always at work or so I thought.

He would look at me and smile,

at that moment I would feel happy.

He would say I was his blessing,

that I was unique and beautiful.

I was five.

Months passed and I saw less of him.

I would cry, I wanted him to protect me.

To tell me I was safe.

No food, no school, no father.

I started to rebel.

I was considered a troubled child,

To everyone I was a bother.

I cried for him.

Years passed and I finally saw him again.

I felt nothing but anger and resentment.

He tried to act as if nothing had changed but I wasn't the same.

He would smile at me but it never truly reached his eyes.

Was he disappointed ?

Maybe. Maybe not.

As a child I wanted him in my life.

I wanted him to make me feel like his princess,

To make me feel loved.

Now he's gone again.

All I ever wanted was my father.