The Difference Between You And Me {Petekey}

Chapter thirteen

Mikey was so close. So close to him, in fact, that if he extended his hand just then, he could touch his face and trace the curl of his lips with his thumb, or lean in and drag his lips down his cheek to his mouth, then capture his lips in a sweet kiss.

His lips were soft, so soft, and the hand at the back of his neck cradled his face so well. Mikey was safe. Anything in his past was just that: forgotten and gone. Pete healed any wounds he had with his lips and his trailing hands protected him from anything outside of them.

Then he was laughing, his eyes glistening, and Mikey's heart soared. The look on his face was one of adoration: absolute and infinite. Mikey studied every centimetre of his face. He loved it all, even the parts that felt like he couldn't get to, that weren't close enough.

He tried to say something, something that sounded a lot like 'I love you', but his voice just didn't work. It didn't matter, Pete nodded and smiled again.

Mikey was aware he was dreaming, that this wasn't real, but that didn't stop him from drinking in the time. He would give anything to be with Pete, he wasn't going to disregard this chance that he had been given just because it wasn't a hundred percent real.

When he awoke, it wasn't in satisfaction, but rather in annoyance. He wasn't finished, goddamn it, he needed more time with him. Although, in the dream, the time didn't feel measurable. He was just with Pete, not limited by time or space. The opposite of reality.

He heard Gerard moving around and sat up to see what was going on. As it turned out, he was just tossing and turning in his bed, though he didn't look like he was trying all that hard to go to sleep, because his eyes were open. He looked solemn and thoughtful, the terrifying way Gerard did when he was thinking of something terrible.

He must have also heard Mikey moving around, because his eyes snapped out of focussing on whatever he was looking at and met Mikey's gaze.

"The world is so ugly," he said after a minute of eye contact. "It's nothing like they tell you when you're a kid. They tell you that... that you're going to grow up and get a job working somewhere you love and marry a woman you love and adopt a dog or something. But what about- what about the people who die before they even graduate high school? What about the people who can't get a job because they could never get an education? What about the men who don't want women?" Mikey swallowed. He hated when Gerard was like this. His mind got him into such bad places sometimes. Mikey's too, but never as far into the darkness as Gerard's could get. "Mikey, do you think there's really something wrong with homosexuality?" He asked. Mikey tensed up. What was he supposed to say there? Gay people were dying in concentration camps. He couldn't tell him that that was acceptable.

"I think men have the capacity to love other men as much as they love women. No, there's nothing wrong with it," he said finally Gerard nodded thoughtfully.

"What if-" Gerard choked out. "What if I think of men like that? What if I want someone, not just to sleep with, but to marry, as well? Is it possible to have that?" He whispered.

"Not marriage, no," Mikey said. But you can certainly live like a married couple with a man. You can come home to your boyfriend after a long day of work, kiss him on the lips and sit down for dinner with him. Men live with each other all the time as friends."

"Why does it have to be so unfair? Why do men who love each other have to be secretive about it? Why is my love lesser?" Gerard sobbed. Mikey leaned over to put his hand on Gerard's shoulder. Gerard flinched when he touched him, but put his hand over Mikey's when he moved it away.

Mikey let him cry in silence. He didn't think Gerard wanted answers to those questions. When Gerard wiped his tears with the back of his hand, Mikey let the hand on his shoulder fall. Gerard looked up at him, searching into his eyes for something. Mikey had no idea what.