secrets behind a Locked Door

chapter one

Ciara pov you never  know my story just by looking at me .hey I am ciara zonnique jones I am from Stone Mountain Georgia I am senior at Howard University in Washington DC. As business major  I come from a good family my MA is a lawyer and my dad is a heart surgeon at one of the top hospital in Atlanta Georgia plus I have a older brother named Kevin he is in the army and we have a real close bond I love my brother to death but my birth day is Jan 1st 1995 Yess I was born on new year's but I love to go out and have fun just enjoy life plus have a great boyfriend that's named Jackson he's a junior and a business major as well he everything that I could as for in guy I love him so much and I have awesome bestfriend named Tiffany we been friends and room mates since are freshman year . But nobody knows that I have been keeping a deep and dark secret from everyone that if it ever got out that it would actually ruin my life for ever and things will never be the same but too understand what I am actually talking about I will have to tell you from the very beginning . Okay my whole life I was raised up to be very well behaved young lady .like I never followed a crowd or even got in trouble I just always stayed to myself when it came down to anything so when I got in ninth grade I wasn't the most popular kid I just really had a hard time fitting in with people that wasn't like me. But that same year I end up meeting Brian we been knew each other since middle school we wasn't never friends more like associate but we was in first period freshman English together we didn't really say much to each other until one day we end up working together in a group long story short we became bestfriends. Always texting and calling each other. But one day he felt on my thigh and it sent this crazy feeling throw my body to wear I got wet out of no where .and things from there just stayed pg 13 for awhile until are junior year .that's when Brian asked me if he could be the one too take my virginity since he cares about me I felt honored and ect but at the same time I didn't want it to mess up are friendship but he was like everything is going to be okay. So that next year we end up having sexual contact for the first time and TBH I really didn't take it serious at the time because we really didn't fuck until couple years later .I just gave him head a a few times. But we end up finding out that we was cousins by are moms. So for me everything went left because I was like how in the fuck could I make this horrible mistake but I figured that now that we know the truth we would never again in are lives cross that line again was I ever so wrong. It was in 2014 one night I had stayed at his house and we end up messing around like being extra freaky. And that was the first time we had sex and I be lying if I said I didn't enjoy every moment of it. Mann he just made my body feel like I was on cloud nine more like when you smoke weed for the first time and that high hits you and just on some whole other shit but after that moment was over I got quiet because I couldn't believe that I did with him knowing that we was cousins but I be lying if I said I didn't have strong sexual feelings for him to where I was actually addicted to him and the sex we have. Shidd I am getting turned on by just thinking about it . TBH which is weird af I know don't judge me . I been wanting to stop but everytime I think we are doing for good he always find a way too make fall back in old habits and ect and the crazy part is he always say we gonna stop but like always nothing but false promises and lies because as he say he doesn't see nothing wrong with it . Because we ain't the only family members that are doing this. Lord knows I hate myself for allowing this to happen but I made a promise to never tell a soul what happening .it's many times I cried bout it because I never thought my life would turn out like this.  Ever  plus I love him true enough because he is my best friend and my favorite cousin. But this has to end because nobody knows how much I hate this .plus it's like sick af because how could someone want to continue doing this with there family member without being like nope we aren't going to do this. But I can't say it's all his fault because it did take too but only because I felt like at the time before we found out we were cousin that if I gave him what he wanted that he would make me baee because I had  deep true feelings for him. But he just dated other people and it truly broke my heart because I actually thought that we could be something special but I just moved on because it's like the saying goes you can't turn a hoe nigga into a house husband. But ever time I would get a new baee he be so supportive and ect but still be having sex with me like damn you might don't gaf about your bitch you with .but I care about my boyfriend or girlfriend. Yes's I am bi . BUT never told anyone about this because it's just to damn deep. To let the cat out of the bag but ik I gotta let the truth be known one day. Buts that's enough for now