Purple Heart | Demi Lovato

8

Demi

True to his word, I woke up next to Wilmer.

When my eyes opened, I couldn't help but smile a bit and snuggle closer to him, feeling his hand trail patterns up and down my back.

"I love you." I whispered, and his hand paused.

"I love you too."

I sighed and propped my head up on my elbow, smiling at him. "How are you feeling today?"

"Fine."

I raised an eyebrow. "Fine?"

He mimicked my expression. "Yeah?"

"Okay." I sat up and smiled down at him. "What are you doing today?"

"I have a few calls to make, but that's it."

"Calls?" I raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

Wilmer sighed and his gaze dropped. "Nothing, just stuff."

I grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at me. "You're not going back."

He just stared at me. "Demi it's my duty-"

"It is not! You served your time, you saved countless lives, but now your obligation is to be a husband. You cannot leave me again to go back there."

"I wouldn't be in combat."

"I don't give a fuck where you are." I leaned in, my eyes narrowing. "You're not going back."

"Demi-"

"No." I sat up and roughly threw the blankets off of me. "I can't do this, Wilmer. I can't sit in this fucking house and wait for another phone call saying you died. I can't do it. It's me, or going back. I hate that I have to make you choose because I know you love it but I hope you love me more. I can't handle you going back there."

"You're giving me an ultimatum?" He asked, sitting up as well in a much more calm manner.

"It's come to the point where I have to. You know I don't do this lightly Wilmer. I stood by and supported you through two tours. Your third almost killed you. You don't understand how much you mean to me." I walked over and put my hands on either side of his face. "Please... don't go back." Slowly, I brought my leg up over his until I was straddling him, our faces close. "Please baby..." I murmured. "I need you here with me."

"You don't understand how much more help they need over there." Wilmer whispered.

"Because you won't tell me anything." I ran my hand through his hair. "Talk to me."

He leaned his head down until it touched my chest. "I can't."

"Why?"

"Because you'll never see me the same." His was voice was muffled, but I could hear the pain in it and it broke my heart.

"Hey." I pulled away and held his chin so he couldn't look away. "You don't get to tell me how I'll feel. You did what you needed to do to come home to me. You did what you needed to do to keep the men you were in charge of alive."

He shook his head and looked away. "I can't... Demi you don't understand-"

"Then help me. Help me understand."

"The soldiers out there aren't like the ones here, Demi." He tilted his head back and shut his eyes. "They're children, barely older than Maddie. All you see when they're in your crosshairs are how they have their entire lives ahead of them. You can see they barely even reached puberty and they know how to use a gun, how to make bombs. They're children... And we had to kill them." He shook his head and glanced out the window. "One of them sneaked into our camp, and I woke up with his gun pressed against my forehead. I had to... I snapped his neck. It took me less than a second to end a child's life. That's what happened when I got shot. Child soldiers invaded our camp and I had to kill... dozens of them. They were untrained, all they knew was to pull the trigger until it ran out of bullets. They were sitting ducks. I had to get my guys out of there... I turned off the emotions, and within the hour they were all dead. All of them." Tears slipped past his guard and Wilmer inhaled slowly to get control over himself. "I just... I don't see kids on the street as kids on the streets. I see them with AK-47's, and pistols and rifles. If we have a child together right now, all I'll see when I look at him or her is the child soldiers whose lives I had to take."

"Wilmer." I whispered, shaking my head and pulling him into my arms. Wilmer began to cry harder and I rubbed his back, kissing his temple and murmuring in his ear. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm so sorry."

"That's what I see when I close my eyes at night." He whispered. "I tried to save them. I applied pressure and gave them CPR... Once the evacuation helicopter came, they wouldn't let me help anymore. I tried, but they wouldn't let me."

"You did everything you could baby. They were trying to hurt you, and if you didn't stop them they were going to kill seven Americans, including you."

"They were children." He shook his head. "They were mislead and it was inexcusable what I did."

I sighed and shook my head. "You were fighting for your life. You did what you were trained to do."

"They were CHILDREN, DAMMIT!" Wilmer suddenly yelled, standing up so I fell off of him onto the bed. "They were fucking children Demi, don't you get that? Can you understand that? Is that what it means to fight for my country? Slaughtering kids who don't even know what's right and wrong?"

"No! Of course not Wilmer. It was them, or your men. It was them or you."

"I wish I had chosen me. I would've died a thousand times over those kids."

"Your guilt is the reason I'm not going anywhere." I murmured, standing up and walking to him. "If you hadn't been hung up about this I'd be worried. Because you're guilty, you still have your humanity. Anyone would've done the same thing. Hell, I would've done the same thing."

"That doesn't take away the fact that it happened. I ended dozens of lives that hadn't even started yet."

"But you saved even more in the process." I held his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. "Do you know how many people they would kill if you hadn't done what you did? Baby you would be dead if you didn't do what you did."

"I'd rather be dead."

"Don't say that." I snapped, letting go of him completely. "Don't you dare say that."

"I'm going back." He said slowly, firmly. "I've already reenlisted."

I stared at him, my mouth open a bit in shock. "You don't even care that you'll lose me? That you'll lose everything here?"

"That's your choice. I'm not going to make you leave."

"No." I snarled, shoving his chest. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to put this on me. This is your fault. You're choosing going overseas to shoot more people over staying here and having a life with me."

"I'm going overseas to help the men I swore to protect when I joined. I'm keeping my promise to my country."

"What about your promise to me?" I asked softly, looking at him with heartbroken eyes. "Your promise to love and to cherish me? To protect me, to be the best husband you can possibly be? I remember those vows. You can't do that halfway around the world. I was able to deal with it Wilmer, for five years. I could deal with you wanting to serve your country. I supported you and loved you through all of it. But now I have to make you choose, I have to. I promised you that I would stay through the good and the bad, but I can't do that if you don't choose to accept the good just so you can fight against the bad."

He slowly shook his head. "I'm sorry, Demi."

"So this is it?" I murmured, shaking my head. "It's over?"

"I guess it is." Wilmer slowly took a step back.

"You're really going to do this?" I could feel tear brimming in my eyes. "You're going to lose me over this? This is what you want?"

He swallowed hard and clenched his jaw. "This is what's going to happen."

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-Rachel