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Pen Your Pride

[11] I'm Not Running Away

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After what happened yesterday I can't help myself to settle down without doing anything. I have no jobs left for me to survive and I can't let things go down hill from here. I have to find a job and I have to be strong. Eager to find a new one, as soon as I woke up earlier today, I cooked their breakfast as quiet as possible so as not to wake the boys up. I know it's not my job anymore to do this, but I have to. It's the only thing I can do to repay what they did for me yesterday.

Before I went out, I left a note on top of Baekhyun's nightstand. Informing him I'm not running away and I'm just going to look for a job, just to make sure that they won't panic again after finding out I was gone even before they all wake up.

It's almost past lunch time, and I'm sitting in one of the bench in the park, arms draped around my knees hugging it, staring blankly into nothingness. Looking for a job is seriously stressful. If only my records and certificates and all my necessary stuff to get a decent job wasn't burnt back in my old house, I could have find one easily right now. Or better yet, I already have one. 

I shook my head hastily, trying to shove away those useless thoughts. No, I'm not regretting anything nor blaming anyone. I know I can do this. I just need to be strong and undeniably positive all the way. That's right! I can do this! I know I can. With more confidence building up on me, I stood up unknowingly, still looking from afar, lips pursing into a thin line, eyebrows furrowed, as I nod my head once. I know I can do this! I shouted mentally clenching my fist. But my enthusiasm was ruined by the next second when I felt my stomach growl. My hands glide upwards towards my stomach, as if trying to make the growling stop. Unfortunately it didn't. I hang my head low, "Are you hungry? I know, I know...and I'm so sorry." I said patting my own tummy.

"Here take this." 

I jolted inwardly when out of nowhere a food presented itself in front of me, I trailed the hand to look at who the owner was and somehow he looks familiar, but I can't quite catch where have I seen him before or he just resembles someone I know. But again, I don't quite know a lot of people, so I'm not really sure. A man who looks like in his middle age already, but young. He stood in front of me, arms hanging in mid-air offering me a food, which I have no plan of taking it. Seriously, do I look like some homeless person who doesn't have anything to eat? as if on cue, my stomach growls once again, and I sighed.

Right. I'm homeless and I have nothing to eat. I facepalm myself mentally.

"No thank you." I said politely, as I settled to sit back on the bench. "And, my parents had taught me not to accept things most specially food coming from strangers. I'm sure you've said those exact same words to your children even for once, right?" I asked although I'm not quite sure whether he has a family or not. I just assumed, by the ring I saw on his finger, I'm sure he's married though.

"No, I haven't. I've never been a good parent and I am quite a failure if I may add up."

I was quiet for a moment, not quite sure how to respond to that. Failure. I had once thought of that, when I had that incident a year ago. But the people around me made me change my perception to things. Failure is not something you choose, it's what you brought upon yourself when you choose to do things you thought was right, but it wasn't. But then again, failure is just something you just had to deal with in order to move on. Failure is when you stop making things right. I was so lost with my own comprehension when I heard him speak again.

"I'm sorry for talking nonsense. Well, are you sure you don't want it?"

"No, thank you." I shook my head.

"I didn't put anything in it if that's what worries you. I'm not that kind of person. And it looks like you and your baby needs it more than I do." He said his arms stretched towards me and I just stared back at him eyes wide.

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