Zoe's P.O.V
I sat on the floor in the corner of mine and Louise's hotel room. My arms around my legs, clung tightly to my chest. I desperately attempted to breathe but it felt as if my lungs were being constricted by a snake. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I could barely see past them, I felt blind which terrified me even more. As I reached out for my phone beside me I realised everyone was out but Alfie. He was napping. I screamed Alfie as loud as I could as he was only behind the wall behind my back. I screamed it again and through the tears it sounded like I was being tortured. He burst through the door and shouted 'Zo?!'
I held onto the bed beside me and tried to pull myself up and he ran over and picked me up say on the bed. He sat me on his lap and knew immediately what was happening. Alfie has only witnessed 2 of my panic attacks alone before.
'Shhhh..'
He said and I continued to cry and whimper very very loudly into his grey t shirt. His one hand held my head to his chest and the other resting on my back running it gently.
'Listen to me Zo.. You're absolutely fine. Breathe..'
He said into my ear trying to move my head to look at him but I kept my arms gripping onto the front of his shirt and my head still buried in it. He whispered things to calm me quietly into my ear and after 5 more minutes of panic I quietened down. Once I had stopped crying it got awkward. I had never sat on his lap before.. I stood up and looked at him with a pathetic attempt at a smile. I must look horrific right now. Bright red from crying. No makeup. But he didn't look at me any differently, Alfie is one of the sweetest boys I know, he doesn't judge me, for being too skinny or for being too short like the haters do. I have no clue how he puts up with me but I love him for it. I mean, I don't love him.. Oh forget it.
'Thank you'
I said quietly and he stood up and brought me into a hug. I told him a while ago that I loved his hugs so he always hugs me now. As he's quite a bit taller I feel safe in his hugs.
'Thank you..'
'It's ok.. What did you panic about?'
'Um.. Don't worry.'
Crap. I can't tell him. He'll hate me.. Louise doesn't even know. No one does. No one can, I don't trust anyone too not judge me.
'Zoe I am worried.'
'Don't be.'
'Zoe tell me now.'
He finally let go of me from the hug and looked at me really sternly and it kind of scared me, I know he's never hurt me but. His 'tell me' look is terrifying. I rolled up my red jumper sleeve, I was in my comfy atire today. I held my forearm out to him and there were 4 cuts, and 2 white scars above them, the cuts were red where the blood had dried earlier today. The truth is, the hate commenters, got to me. I am so ashamed. But the makeup will cover it when I want to go swimming, as we are in Florida for Playlist Live.
'Zoe tell me thats makeup'
He said harshly and looked pissed at me. This is exactly what I didn't want, I can't cope with this.
'Zoe. Tell me,'
He said like he was gonna kill me.
'I.. I can't'
I said and tears welled up in my eyes again.
'Alfie i'm so sorry.. i'm sorry'
I said making a whiney about to cry voice, I then started crying but looking him directly in the eyes and not able to move.
