La Da Dee ✔

u n s t e a d y

I prefer staying low.
the highs, they leave as quickly as they come
but the lows get lower.
so maybe if I just stayed low
it would be a consistent,
comfortable sadness.

I'm tired of the happiness
that lasts merely a moment
and feels so distant in the past
as soon as it's over
and the longing that lingers
for ages after
hurts way more
than just staying low.
maybe I grab on too tight.
desperate for the littlest bit of
positivity.

I'm sorry, I'm unsteady.
I don't know how you manage to love me
or why you try.
I've bled in your hands,
been selfishly depressed
countless times
and I feel too much
and non-stop.
I feel too powerfully
for any human to understand
my ups and downs
that so closely follow one another.
I guess that's what makes you
not
any human.

I'm sorry I'm such a mess;
an unsteady, hopeless case.
but you see,
I lack motivation to stand and
flick on the lightswitch.
this dark room has become my home
and I've locked the door
so you won't be engulfed by the shadows.

but, as much as I don't want to admit,
my body has grown cold -
aching for your touch
and I wouldn't mind
if you were sitting next to me.
I'm just
a bit
unsteady.
and I
don't
want
to hurt you.

the tables of my thoughts are wobbling
and whilst I'd just watch everything shatter,
you're willing to catch anything that spills.
why you chose me to guard,
keep safe,
will always be as complex to me
as my own emotional
rollercoaster.

but hey -
thanks.