My Soul to Reap (Archived)

Aftermath

The sidewalk was darkening, since the ice couldn't be expected to stay long in the summer. But it had done its damage. I vaguely registered the door opening again behind me, thudding and maybe voices. In whatever part of my mind was still working I realized that there shouldn't have been that many cracks, that I should find a way to shake this off if I wanted to stay human. But none of it mattered, nothing mattered other than the still smiling faces of the two people who had loved me all my life. Who had been led here by the twins and then slaughtered for whatever sick game they were playing.

"Cammie, you need to get inside," It had to have been Kayin, because I knew it wasn't Vincent. I might have nodded, but I could feel my vision going blurry. Passing out seemed like a bad option, and it took me a second to realize that I was crying. But somehow as soon as I realized that it was like the floodgates opened, and my breath came out in horrible body wracking sobs. There was a hand on my back, trying to calm me down, but they had to know it wouldn't matter. I sobbed harder, burying my head in my hands. I was making horrible strangled sounds, like I was screaming instead of breathing. Which, really, was close to the truth. It hurt, everything hurt, and I wanted my body to just shut down. But after a few minutes of helpless crying I realized that I couldn't stay on the pavement forever. I would need to get up.

I pushed away Kayin's nervous hands as he tried to help me up. It felt like I needed to do this, like standing on my own would somehow make me strong enough to handle the aftermath. I stood shakily, my legs sore from the impact. I had to close my eyes for a second, shutting out the noises around me. Kayin's hand found my shoulder again and this time I leaned into him, eyes still closed.

"Come on," Rina said gently, wrapping her arm around my waist like I needed to be held up. "We'll take care of this. I'll take take of this, I promise." I nodded mutely, letting myself be led back into the house. I felt so weak, so lost, that I had to make sure she was telling me the truth.

"You really will?" I was glad I wasn't looking at her as we climbed the steps, because the brokenness in my own voice made me cringe.

"With my owns hands. I swear." I nodded again, taking a deep breath. I wasn't entirely sure how long I'd be able to support myself. I managed to get into the living room before collapsing, wrapping my hands around my legs and lying on my side. I shut my eyes again, squeezed them tight and just prayed for sleep, for unconsciousness, something.

I felt numb and I hated it. More than anything else, maybe even more than the twins, I hated how little I felt. My parents were dead. They died, right in front of me, because of me, and I didn't feel anything. The couch dipped beside me as Rina sat down, stroking my hair gently.

"Why can't I feel anything?" I asked, like a child who still believed their parents knew all the answers in the world.

"Because your soul is taking the brunt of the force." It was Brie who ended up answering, which made me sit up. Rina barely moved out of the way, not seeming to care if I was almost sitting on her.

"Why?" I asked, shaking my head. "I don't want- I want to be able to mourn! I didn't ask for that!" It came out in an explosion, but it still only made me feel hollow. Like they'd ripped out a part of me and there was nothing rushing to fill it, not even anger. Brie seemed like she was trying to wait out my outburst, which wasn't the best course of action. It just kept coming, a forced anger in an attempt to feel something.

"Make it stop! Please, just let me feel something for them!" My parents were lying dead on the street and it was my fault, and I was going to become a reaper sooner or later and I couldn't even experience being human anymore. I was shaking, and Rina quickly wrapped her arms around me and shushed me gently.

"Cammie, we'd do it if we could. But you need to be strong right now." It sounded like advice, but the way she hesitated proved she wasn't done. "They... they'll be back soon." My jaw clenched and I almost wanted to launch into another tirade, but I knew what she meant. They'd be coming back and then using my sadness against me, because for some reason they wanted to break me. Was it really just sick amusement? It felt like there had to be another reason. But, instead, that might have been me needing a rational reason for losing them. In all likeliness, they really did just want to torment me.

I pushed off Rina and sat up, nodding once and taking a deep breath. It was my head more than my heart feeling like I shouldn't be okay, logic overriding the numbness. Rina squeezed my shoulder, but I looked at Brie instead.

"Do what you have to do," she said, her face strangely guarded. "We won't think less of you if you put everything aside right now. Nothing matters, nothing except these next few minutes." I bit my lip but then stopped, holding my head up higher. Yes, I needed to do this. I needed to prove that at least my parents had made me strong enough to do this.

"Oh, that was rude of us wasn't it?" I could almost feel myself lock, doing what Brie said and forgetting everything except right now. And how much I hated the girl at the door.

"Aren't you done here? There's only so much you can do in one day." The venom helped to block out the hurt, and I had to say it did so fairly effectively. I was almost impressed that Brie had done the same, leaning against the wall and watching through narrowed eyes. But somehow she'd calmed down, and I got the idea she was being strong for my sake. Kayin and Rina, however, didn't quite get the memo. They were bristling, and Rina looked like an attack dog ready to kill. I discreetly put a hand on her arm, trying to indicate that blowing up would make things worse. The numbness, it seemed, had its advantages.

"Not exactly. We have an invitation for you." The script style had returned, or maybe it had always been there. The siblings must have bounced ideas off each other, because there was no other way for them to be this in sync otherwise.

"I'm not in the mood for breakfast or anything, thanks though," I said without realizing it, and I saw Brie smirk. I was still turned away from the door so I had no idea what they were doing, but I was confident I had caught them off guard. They were expecting me to be either a reaper or a sobbing mess, and the fast I was neither must have at least put a small wrench in their plans. I hoped.

"Not quite what we meant dear. Your friends will understand this though: We're throwing a little "introduction" party for our newest reaper. Wouldn't it be a shame if she didn't attend?" I didn't have to turn around to know they were gone, it was evident enough in the way everyone suddenly relaxed. I didn't want to ask the question. Instead, I got up and walked to the window again. The answers followed me, like they were trying to slow me down.

"It's essentially a debutante ball, flowing gowns and suits and shit. It's normally for powerful witches or the classier monsters, but that doesn't seem to stop those two." It made sense that Brie wouldn't want me looking out the window, but I did anyways. The ground was still wet but the bodies were gone now, and I couldn't help but think that I wouldn't see them again. It was over now, officially, and my parents were dead. I took a deep breath for what must have been the tenth time.

I could have chosen to mourn. I could have chosen to fight for my humanity, to repair my soul, to refuse to go to this party. But when I thought of how happy they'd been, how happy they were to see me smiling, I knew I couldn't. The three people behind me were strange and dangerous but they'd taken me in, somehow, and I wouldn't do that to them. I was making the choice to stay, the choice I'd really already made when I ran away from Aryan. I would fight for Brie, and I would actually fight.

"So..." I said slowly. "Guess this means I need a dress."