Summary: He is brave.
Warnings: short and sad and a lot of He's
Song Recommendation: Unsteady by X Ambassadors
Date Published: June 18, 2017
A/N: just a dabble lol. The summary doesn't really help, does it? haha i cry writing and listening to that song, so yeah nothing much. also can you guess who is who???? OooooOOoooO Well enjoy reading I guess? :)
. . .
Beep... beep... beep...
"Hey."
He grabs his hand. His hand cold and pale, but still held roughness from the hard work he puts up every single day, softness from how naturally it really is. He intertwined their fingers together, slowly, watching them wound up together perfectly. He holds on to it, giving a reassuring squeeze to let him feel his presence, and he caresses his knuckles, gently. And he kisses them, gently and lightly, feeling the cold temperature against his lips.
"You look beautiful."
He did, he always did. There could never be a day when he thought differently, and he never will. He lifts his eyes up, gaze down on him, and he feels his heart tight but he forced a smile. He stares at him, watching his chest rise and fall, and feels himself breathing with him, breaths long, and hearts beat at once.
"You know, I actually made a proper meal for myself, like you couldn't have believe it in a million universes, but I actually did, and I feel proud of myself, and I wonder if you'd be proud too."
He would be, he knows he would be. He won't forget that, for how many times has he encountered such different opportunities, achieved dreams, and sudden expectations. And he has always been the first to state how proud he was for him. He only needs to hear him say it.
"I made a video after a long time, and I miss doing more. I edited it quickly, so I could still spend more time here with you. And you should know how the fans missed you, and how they made messages for you to read, for you to get better, and they wished you'd come back. And you should know how I badly I wished it too."
His voice quivered, and he feels his heart really tight. But still he continued holding on to him, telling much about how his day went, and ignoring the feeling, the feeling of his heart tightening, and himself shattering. He did with a smile, he knows he hates and thinks it doesn't suit him.
"The sun was shining which is pretty odd, but you know, it's London. And the sky was clear, and so blue, and it kinda matches your eyes. You would really love walking or chilling out because it's so rare having that weather. You should've seen it."
He misses looking at those eyes, those eyes that are impossibly beautiful, and somehow he thought it's too beautiful to be compared with such blue sky or even a deep blue ocean. He misses having those eyes, looking back at him, with a smile brighter than any source of light could compare.
"The boys are going to visit you tomorrow. Josh is going to bring some Mexican, and even some tiramisu, did you remember the thousands of times we eat tiramisu and watch our movies, it's our tradition anyway. And even Will and Arden is going to be here tomorrow. I know how much you missed them."
He misses him too.
"Generally the whole youtube group. And I'm sure your smile will reach your eyes."
He stares at him. He studies his every edge and curve of his face, and he thinks about the times when it gleams with the most beautiful glow, and the times when it's different and blue. And right now, his face is just pale, tired, and he never seen him so lifeless and gray. But all the same, he still thinks he's beyond beautiful.
"J-Joe," He held his hand, tighter, and his voice lose its ease and composure. "You should know, y-you're so brave. You are so brave, my love. And I'm proud of you. Prouder than you could've said it. You are so b-brave. You n-need to know t-that."
Caspar lets his tears rolls down, freely. And that's where it hits him as he stares at Joe's closed eyes, pale face, and lifeless body. But his heart still beats louder and clearer. And he thought how he is brave, very brave, to hold on this far. He lets his eyes lower down to their still intertwined fingers and clasped hands, and he kisses it longingly with his eyes closed too.
"You are so brave."
Caspar held on to his cold, pale hand tighter than any hold he has made.
Beep... beep... beep.
. . .
