The parseltongue handbook

Important

So yesterday this ass at my school was talking shit about my friends and so I lost it and smacked him with my binder. He was also talking shit about my partner. That I couldn't stand for. So three of my friends are friends with him and now they all hate me and are saying I'm a control freak and I'm taking over their lives when I didn't say anything to them, and quiet frankly I'm just trying to keep them safe from this asshat because they all have LGBT family and he's a total Nazi about it and I don't want them to get hurt. Also it would be super awkward if one of them started dating said asshat. I tried to make amends but they pushed me away and I'm writing this in hopes they will see it and take me back. I have mental issues. I am a coward I admit that. When people attack me I run but when they attack my friends and family I fight to the death. Even though the psychoneurologist I go to says "you're not crazy" I can't control myself anymore. I hate it. I can't control it. I know violence isn't the answer but what would you do for true love? I've already thought about suicide and running away because of this today. But I need to stick around for Philip. I can't leave him behind. I'm all on my own and I've lost all my friends. But the friends that he was talking shit about say that he totally deserved it. But it hurts me. I feel like dying because I don't know how to be around other people and I just want to hide away forever but I keep running back and getting hurt. I try to disconnect myself but I can't. I want an operation that takes out the part of my brain that gives me emotions. Because I'm the only one who has it and if I need to survive I must be cold, heartless, and cruel like everyone else. I wish I couldn't love, be happy or sad or even angry. I am damaged. And Helpless. I just see the world burning. I feel like I don't have the means to go on.