Now I'll Torture You

2

When freshman year started, I wanted things to be different. I really did. I wanted to be friends with Janie again. She had forgiven me, but I knew her patience with me was running out. If I missed this shot, we would never be the same.

So what did I do to help our relationship?

Nothing.

Actually... I did do something.

I bullied her. Even worse than before.

It was the second week of our freshman year when Janie walked into one of my classes and gave me a smile. She sat down next to me. Students around me giggled when they saw the anxious, dorky girl sit next to the volleyball star. I smirked at the attention and got up from my seat.

"Ms. KappernIick, what are you doing?" asked the teacher.

I shrugged lazily with a cocky smirk, "Sorry Mrs. Bloomberg, I don't like sitting next to crazy bitches."

A few students snickered and I took a seat with some other athletes on the other side of the classroom.

Janie began to lose her confidence and independence.

I continued the mean behavior.

I definitely should've stopped when I saw the scars that began to cover her wrists.

I should've stopped when she started skipping all the classes I was in with her.

I should've stopped when she texted me and asked me too.

I should've stopped.

But I didn't.

I enjoyed the popularity I was gaining and it was addicting.

It got to the point when I couldn't stop.

Like a ball rolling down a hill toward a busy street, I wanted to stop. But I couldn't.

Sophomore year began and I practically killed her myself. With my influence and popularity, Janie became the laughing stock of our grade.

Emo

Dork

Fat

Ugly

Poor

Freak

Insane

Retarded

Whore

We made fun of the scars on her wrists, her lack of muscle, her poor family. We mocked her panic attacks. We moped around when we saw her to show her that being depressed looked stupid. We knocked things over, throwing her into panic as she struggled to make everything perfect because of her diagnosed OCD.

I should've seen the signs. She began giving away all her things to her friends Dylan and Dee. She stopped showing up to school altogether. And a week before she died, she sent me another text.

You're going to regret this.

Principal Stewart brought Dee up to the stage where he had given his speech about Janie's death and I snapped back into the present moment.

Dee walked up to the podium, shaking and in tears. "As most of you probably know, I'm Dee. Me and Dylan have been Janie's best friends since the beginning of sixth grade. She was like a sister to me and I loved her so much. I knew she was going through hard times with the bullying but I didn't do enough to help... I wish I could've done better... I don't know what I did wrong." Dee was sobbing. "I'm sorry I can't think of anything to say I'm just in shock." she paused. "I know what Janie would've wanted to say, though. Fuck you Kelsey Kappernick."

It seemed as if the whole school turned to look at me. I had tears in my eyes and guilt was tearing me apart from the inside out.

A few minutes later, we all left the assembly. I ran home. I cried. I deserved the worst punishment possible.

Little did I know, that punishment would be worse than anything I could imagine.