The Cheerleaders Daughter

Chapter twenty three

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Chapter twenty three

When the doctors told me that I would have irregular sleeping patterns I thought they meant for a day or two, but as the week went by I found myself either getting very few hours of sleep or none at all. Sometimes I’d sleep most of the day away and wander the beach at night.

I’d wake up from weird terrifying dreams but someone would always be there to calm me down and get me to go back to bed.

My parents stayed for the remainder of the week as well. The first day I thought they weren’t going to bring it up to me, that they thought I was too fragile, but of course that wasn’t the case.

The day after I was released from the hospital my mom slowly opened the door to my room where I had just crumpled up my third sketch of the beach.

Her and dad slowly filed into the room before sitting on the edge of my bed.

“Honey,” she started pushing some of her hair behind her ear. I noticed then that that was a trait I had picked up from her, along with the color of her hair. “I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but we need to discuss this.” Her voice was shaking and she looked like she could cry at any moment.

“We don’t want you to feel like we’re attacking you,” my dad added. “We just want you to be safe, and know that we love you.”

“I know that,” I said wiping a betraying tear from my cheek. “I didn’t mean to. I know how stupid that sounds but I didn’t...I didn’t want to die. I was so scared.” My mom pulled me to her and my dad grabbed my hand with his as I started crying harder. “I’m so sorry, I just felt like I was disappointing everyone. But after I started feeling sick I was so worried that I would die without saying goodbye to you guys. I was scared you wouldn’t know how much I loved you.”

“We know you love us,” my mom said smoothing down my hair. “I don’t know what we would do without you. We just want you to be happy.”

I had a conversation like that with almost nearly everyone in the house by the end of the week. I wasn’t so sure that I had convinced them that I hadn’t tried overdosing on purpose. When mom and dad left with the younger kids I saw mom whisper something to Ian and I’m sure it was something about keeping on eye on me.

Ian and I drove back to the beach house in silence. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Don’t be,” he smiled while grabbing my hand. “But don’t ever scare me like that again, ok? We’re twins so you can’t go just yet.”

I smiled back at him and held his hand until we were in the driveway. I hadn’t held his hand since we were ten. We had gone to Disneyland for summer vacation and mom and dad insisted that if we wouldn’t hold their hands we at least had to hold each other’s. “You always have to stick together,” my mother had insisted. “That way if dad and I can’t be there for you, you’ll at least have each other.”

The sun had set on the way home and I was walking towards the front door but Ian stopped me. “Follow me,” he said grinning.