asphyxiate

04｜vroom

04
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"vroom"

SHE was staring at the cloudless sky, watching as the stars twinkled and sparkled. They were drizzled over the night sky, the permanent compliment to the brightly glowing moon. it was almost as if they were dancing and inviting her to join.

It was another one of those days where she was left completely to herself, the house empty and quiet if she did not keep her stereo going. There was something eerie about being alone on a Sunday night. The laziness was buzzing all around from the life outside, but within the walls it was a sense of calm before the storm.

It was quite a predicament really, because she dreaded being alone, but also being among other people terrified her. She was no longer this social adept person. In fact, she barely spoke a word to anyone. Not even to her mother as it was just easier to use one word sentences and the occasional nod.

No one seemed bothered by it either, because why would they? She still smiled and everyone took it as she was just a good listener. It never really occurred to anyone that maybe she was the one with the most important story.

Not that she had a story she was willing to tell.

She was dangling her legs between the bars just like she had done when she was little. Her hands too were wrapped around them. She looked like a prisoner and that was exactly how she felt.

Sure, she could easily leave the house, but where would she go? It was not like the demons would not follow her anyway.

She let out a long sigh, her forehead dropping to rest on the bars. The cold metal smoothed out her forming creases, while the stressed wrinkles around her eyes slightly eased.

"Hi Dad," she breathed out, her eyes locking onto the star. To her the star that was right above the street's tallest oak tree, was always the brightest whenever she watched the sky. It had been ever since her dad died.

She could still remember the night they put her father in the ground. She had been unable to fall asleep and instead she had sought solace in the night breeze and as she stood there just watching the starlit sky was when she saw that particular one twinkle for the very first time.

It was not the kind of 'you're going to be fine' twinkle, no it was more the feeling of 'I know you're hurting but it is okay' sparkle. In truth, she never believed in things would be okay again. She had long since lost her faith in that, but the serenity that settled over her by watching that very star had been the sliver of hope she needed.

She never needed someone to tell her she was going to be fine or that she would fight through it. She never needed the pitiful looks or the hesitant stares. All she really did need was that one person that would not judge her.

That was what she hoped her. The person that would see past all her mistakes and all her demons and still want to hold her close.

This was all she dreamt of.

She wanted the comfort her dad's death had stripped away from her. She never wanted someone to help her see the light, because she already knew the only one that could help her see that was herself.

Everyone could talk and listen, but truly when it came down to it, the only one who could take the step out of darkness was herself.

Sure, as a toddler you are taught to walk by the hold of a hand, but it is yourself that make your feet move, not the hand guiding you.

The guiding hand was what she desperately needed. The hand she could trust. The trust that only comes if one chooses to accept the flaws - not to see past them but to acknowledge them. Her father was that person to her, but now that he was gone she had lost that gesture, left with a desperate desire to get it again.

She hands gripped tighter around the bars, as if they would squeeze back and be the support she needed, but still they remained cold and insensitive in her grasp. They were as unbending and unrelenting as the demons' whispering in her head.

She kept staring at the sky until her whole body was numb. With shaking legs, she managed to get herself back on her feet, lingering on the balcony for just a couple more minutes as she rested her arms on the surface. Her eyes reflected the black starry sky almost as if they were twinkling back to them, but that was the thing with reflections.

They only reflect what they see, not the unmasked feelings beneath.

Vroom.

Vroom.

An engine penetrated the calming silence, jerking her head out of her reverie as she stared down the road, her gaze falling on the roaring source of noise. She watched the shadow as it came closer with her breath stuck in the throat and completely unable to move. Her stomach coiled, urging her to run as she thought her demons had created a body of their own carved from the shadows, but then the sound of the engine stopped.

The shadow moved gracefully, but not with the kind of supernatural grandeur that lured you closer before it devoured you, no this was grace in its human state.

She let out the terse breath she was holding, but still the knot in the stomach did not untangle itself again as it just made its way to her throat instead.

The human stepped off the dark indistinct motorcycle and removed the helmet. The gesture looked almost hesitant as if the person did not want to reveal itself, but as she kept staring she saw his features vaguely light up. The darkness of the night was too prominent to form a clear image, but still she was positive she had seen the guy before.

A mob of dark hair spilled from the helmet in a tousled mess, before he ran a hand through it to keep it from obscuring his view. Then, just as he was about to drop his hand, he extended it instead and waved.

He had seen her. He was looking straight at her, and even though the distance was too great, it still made her heart squeeze.

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A/N: Told you he would be back. (:

So tell me - does the stars hold any significance for you? To me they are indeed my refuge - my sanctuary.