Sheffield

CHAPTER THIRTY

"All you have said is true. I am sorry I cannot deny it, that I cannot fall to my knees and beg for your hand. It is what you deserve. But the truth is, no matter how greatly I love you, I must rid myself of the demon which plagues my dreams before I am worthy to be any husband." Miss McDonald pushed herself off the wall and walked to Ewan, "If she is a demon cast her off Ewan, cast her out of your soul or give me leave and I shall do it for you." Her hand was warm on his cheek, he lifted his own and placed it atop hers, "I have tried." Her eyes grew large as she looked into the sadness which lay in his, "I am your attempt at casting her off?" He nodded, "If ever a woman existed to rid me of this plague it is you." "But I have not. Even as you love me she has been with you?" "No, I would not let her into my heart as I opened it to you," answered Ewan.

"And then you saw her, spoke to her at St. Leger. I do not understand Ewan, what power could she possibly possess to undo all which has been forged between us, by her mere presence?" Her eyes were beginning to well with tears and Ewan's heart sank further, "Should I know the answer to that I would have the cure to what ails me. Elizabeth I respect you far too much to toy with you, the truth is I have been Miss Benning's since the moment she lifted her eyes to mine and I have but spent these many years acting in folly and theater to convince myself it was not so." Ewan placed his hands gently around the woman's cheeks, "I will marry you if that is your desire, I will endeavor to be the husband you deserve and I will love you with what part of my heart is free to do so but it will be another woman who shall own my dreams. If that is enough for you, if you can be happy with what I have to offer, then accept it but I believe you deserve a man who loves you with all of himself, including his dreams." She pulled out of his grasp and raised her chin in a show of strength, "Thank you for your honesty, I shall consider it Mr. Donal." She barely made the door of the stable before collapsing in a fit of agony.

~

It was a late April morning when the servant brought the news to Sheffield which tore Miss Benning to shreds and had her racing towards Gainsley. She found Janet in her Father's bedchamber melted against his still body. Walking warily into the room she spied the apothecary and went to him. "Miss Benning I am glad you are here so quickly." "Tell me what has happened," her voice barely a whisper. "Mr. Grant was riding and he fell from his horse." "He was thrown," exclaimed Miss Benning. The apothecary shook his head, "No I have concluded by way of examination that he heart gave out." He placed a hand over her arm gently, "It was very quick and painless." Miss Benning nodded, tears coursing down her cheeks, as she walked towards Janet. Her friend looked up at her through swollen eyes as she felt Miss Benning's hand upon her shoulder. She tried to stand but her legs gave way. Miss Benning bent, took the woman in her arms and both wailed as the weight of the loss closed upon their souls.

The next month passed under a veil of darkness. Miss Benning stayed at Gainsley to assist her friend and both women moved through the house like ghosts. The Culverts made frequent trips in a vain effort to bring the women from their laments. The elder Donal came to report on the running of Sheffield even Wimbley and LaCroix, who had stayed a fortnight at Gainsley, finally took their leave full of concern for their friends.

The two sat at breakfast when the post was delivered. The butler directed all to Miss Benning as she was at least able to maintain the running of Gainsley, Janet having fallen into a silent depressed oblivion which was eased only by the company of her child. Miss Benning caught the hand of the barrister Mr. Johnston and opened his letter. After reading it carefully she looked over at Janet, "We must travel to London." Janet looked silently back. "Tis a letter from Mr. Johnston, he is to read your Father's Will and says the both of us must be in attendance. I shall tell Mrs. Stevens to make the preparations and we shall leave on the morrow."