The Fourth Fall (Sequel to Boy In My Class) Gerard Way

Chapter 7: Shattered

January 8th. It was here; the day I had been waiting for, for so long. I had convinced myself it was a dream, told myself it wasn't going to work out, and imagined every possible  outcome of this bizarre and surreal scenario. I had turned and walked back in the direction of my car at least five times since I had pulled up at our old home. Nevertheless, I was stood outside our old home, on January 8th, waiting for Gerard.

I waited patiently, flicking through my iPod, carefully dodging any love songs, heartbreak songs or anything that could possibly influence the imaginary scenarios I was still playing in my mind. Only after reaching the end of an entire Billy Talent album did I realise that I had been waiting for a very long time. I pulled my phone from my pocket and checked the time. It was past midnight. Gerard had asked me to meet him at 11pm...although he did say that months ago. Maybe he had forgotten the exact time that he'd told me to meet him at? I knew that the band had been playing a show that night but the venue wasn't far and it would have finished by 10pm at the latest...was he standing me up?

Did he do this to hurt me?

I decided not to jump to any rash decisions and sat patiently, replaying the same album until it was finished yet again. Almost 1am. 

He wasn't coming.

I slowly lifted myself up from my position on the doorstep and sighed to myself. I looked up at the sky and admired the stars, wishing I could see a shooting star so that I could make a wish. I would wish for Gerard to love me like he had once loved me, and when that wish came true I woud cherish it for the rest of my life.

I didn't see any shooting stars. I just had to face the reality of the situation; Gerard had asked me to meet him in a stupid haze of emotion after seeing me get beat up by some guy and he regretted it afterwards and didn't show up.

I didn't imagine this outcome in the scenarios that had been dancing through my mind for months.

I got back into my car and when I sat down I felt something uncomfortable. I pulled out of my back pocket Gerard's wedding ring, which I had stupidly bought with me to give back to him as promised. Obviously he didn't think of the ring as an important object to him anymore. I took a few moments to wind down the car window and throw the ring into our old front garden. I stared at it for a few more moments, before quickly looking up with hopes of seeing a shooting star before I drove off, but there was nothing.

Back at my apartment, I thought that I was going to burst into tears but nothing came. I just felt completely and utterly numb, like I had no emotion left whatsoever. I was completely empty.

Like most numb sensations though, it tends to wear off. Within an hour I was sobbing uncontrollably, bashing my fists against my couch and throwing anything I could find near me that would break. I wanted to tear down the walls and throw everything until it shattered into thousands of tiny pieces. All of a sudden I heard a banging at my apartment door that was so violent I thought the door was going to break into thousands of tiny pieces before I had the chance to break anything myself. I stood upright and walked over to the door to press my ear lightly against it and listen to who was there.

"Izzy let me in!"

It was Gerard.

"Izzy, they kept me late after the show- I wanted to meet some fans and it got out of hand, there was so many and I felt bad leaving them- it makes their night if we stay and talk to them! I didn't realize the time until I got out and then when I got back I found my ring on the garden and I freaked out!"

"J-just go Gerard," I said quietly, but at a volume that was loud enough so that he could hear me through the door. I sniffled loudly and tried to hold back crying any more, not wanting him to know that he had hurt me.

"Isabel I've been waiting for this night for so long, I need to see you again. Life is too short to spend it hating each other or being apart from someone you love."

I opened the door hastily at the word love. I pulled him inside and slammed the door shut behind me.

"You have fucked with my head for too long!" I screamed. The anger that came out of me was unprecedented and unexpected, and definitely not rehearsed. "You broke me Gerard! You told me you didn't want this relationship if we couldn't have kids, you moved out of our home, you left divorce papers for ME to sign! You jumped straight into a relationship with another woman before I even realised that we were apart indefinitely! You tell me you want me to sign divorce papers when I finally see you again after four years, then you turn up when I'm being brutally attacked and call me your wife! You then beg me to come see you on this night, don't turn up and then come knocking on my door hours later and throw the word love at me! You don't know what love is Gerard!"

"I don't know what love is?!" he almost shouted. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS?"

He ran toward me with a look on his face that made me think he was going to physically hurt me. He grabbed my face with both hands and pulled me into him, my lips thrown against his with an intense force. He pushed me up against the wall of my apartment and ran his hands down my body until they were resting on my hips, kissing me passionately.

"I didn't know what love was," he said as he pulled his mouth apart from mine. "Until I met you."