This Time, Last Time (A Harry Potter Universe Fanfiction)

4.

And still I'm searching for something

Out of breath, I am left hoping someday

I'll breathe again.

-"Breathe Again," Sara Bareilles

---

June 2018

James arrived too early to work the next morning. He couldn't keep it straight in his head that the fact he now commuted to work didn't mean that it took any longer to get there. Apparating was funny that way, and James, after so many years at Hogwarts, no longer considered it a part of his everyday life. Lots of people had already arrived at the ministry, but a sleepy, still-dark-outside sort of gloom hung over the place. One witch's heels clicked loudly, echoing across the big, open space of the main floor. James hopped on an elevator next to a wizard in navy robes who couldn't stop yawning. It took all James' willpower not to reciprocate.

He stepped out ahead of the tired man and scanned his wand at the door to the auror's office. The lock clicked and James pulled open the door and headed down the hall. Gillespie's office was still dark. James considered just leaving him a memo that he'd gone out to tail Anniston as they had agreed upon yesterday. He'd already made an executive decision for himself that he would try to catch him on his way into work.

But just as he began to find a quill in his bag to jot down a quick note, James noticed the light coming from under Elise's door and he remembered his conversation with Raigan the night before. He took his hand back out of his bag and approached the door, raising a hand to knock.

But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He stood there for almost three minutes, trying and failing to summon up the willpower to announce himself. What was he going to say to her? What could he say to her?

Before he had decided, the door opened and Elise stood there. He couldn't read her face at all. It held absolutely no emotion except maybe just the tiniest bit of sass, well-concealed behind professionalism. James only noticed it because he had, though long ago, a lot of practice trying to figure her out. She was guarded. It took a lot for her to break down. Even her smiles were earned.

"Did you need something, or were you just going to hover outside my office all day?" she asked.

James was so taken aback by her sudden appearance that he almost didn't realize he was supposed to answer. He should have known she'd have a secrecy sensor or something that alerted her when anyone was outside the door.

He gawked at her. Her hair was down, although he saw an elastic around her wrist, ready to go should she want to put it up as usual. She'd cut it much shorter than it used to be, just brushing the tops of her shoulders. He liked it. She looked good. She looked really good. Her robes were hanging over the chair behind her so for now she only wore the black pencil dress underneath.

"Oh-" said James, remembering himself. "I'm sorry- I just- I wanted to say hello."

"Unless you've got a question, I have a lot to do and I have meetings all day so-"

James blundered around in his mind, trying to come up with a suitable question to keep her talking. All he came up with was, "How are you?"

"Very busy," she said.

"Right- uhm- sorry. Okay. I'll... just leave leave you alone then."

Elise pressed her lips together. Her hand still held the edge of the door, ready to shut it. James took a step back and shoved his thumbs in his pockets. She began to close the door again, but James, frantically searching for a reason why she shouldn't said, "Wait," and then when she stopped, with absolutely no plan in place, added "It's good to see you. Maybe we could talk sometime."