Frayed Ties (Ties, Book 1) | ✓

Chapter 5

Sometime later Danya was lifted off the horse and momentarily handed over to Hamish, but after a few moments of weak, half-awake objections he found himself pressed back against Simon's chest.

"Stopping for the night," Simon explained, his voice a gruff murmur.

They were sitting on the ground. Behind them, a half collapsed structure loomed in the darkness and blocked the wind. Danya drifted back to sleep to the quiet sounds of Hamish setting up their camp.

The next time Danya woke up, it was light out and Simon was trying to gently shift Danya off of him. Danya made a sound of objection and clung tighter.

Simon sighed — not angry, just tired. "Come on, Danya. I need to pee."

Every instinct Danya had was telling him not to let go, but after a few seconds of resistance he woke up enough to remember his training. Reluctantly, he released Simon.

Danya felt... well, awful. Absolutely rotten. But also not as bad as he probably ought to have, considering everything. He was still sore and low on energy, but he was in balance. It was an ordered and manageable exhaustion.

They'd set up their little camp behind an old, mostly collapsed barn in a field and let the horses loose to graze.

Hamish sat a short distance away, blinking sleepily in the dawn light. When he caught Danya watching him, he gave him a tight smile. It was hard to tell if he was cross or just tired.

Simon came back from relieving himself on the barn and let Danya rest his head on his lap. He was silent for so long that Danya was starting to drift back to sleep before he finally spoke. "So. I think we should talk."

Danya pressed his face against Simon's thigh. He didn't want to talk, preferably ever. He just wanted to pretend that he'd done nothing wrong and everything would be fine.

Simon took hold of Danya's hand and gently tugged his sleeve down, revealing the mess he'd made of his wrist. "Starting with this, I think."

The best thing Danya could do right now was be cooperative and obedient, but his throat had closed up and all he wanted to do was hide. There was no way out of this situation that he could see. He had been caught doing something very long, and he treasured every second he could spend delaying the consequences.

"Danya," Simon said, his tone a gentle warning. "Talk to me. Why did you try to kill yourself?"

For a moment, Danya's breathing stopped. Did he really think...? Could Danya could pass this off as something other than what it was? Something slightly more forgivable? Attempting to kill himself would have been a terrible transgression against his master, but at least it didn't carry fatal legally guaranteed consequences.

Then his eyes met Hamish's, and he knew there was no chance. Hamish knew the truth.

"His tracking chip's in that wrist, Simon."

There was a moment of silence from Simon, and then, "Ah."

"It's implanted in the bone, though. I'm guessing he didn't know that."

Danya shrunk in on himself further. He had not known that. He had been sedated when they had put it in before he left the nursery for Milaine House. He'd never even stood a chance of escaping.

"Okay, so that's not quite what I thought had happened, but the question still stands," Simon said. "Why?"

Danya wanted to cry. What could he even say? It had always been stupid and hopeless and desperate.

"I know I wasn't very nice to you," Simon persisted, "but what were you even going to do? Where was there for you to go?"

"I knew I was going to die, sir," Danya said, his voice so quiet it was barely more than a whisper. He was surprised Simon hadn't pushed him away yet. "I just wanted to be the one to make the choice."