Teaching Mia

Chapter 23 - Revelations

Leo swallowed hard. "It's okay, Mia. Please, go on."

"It just happened so quickly. I had to make a lot of fast decisions and I couldn't think clearly. It wrecked me apart into a million pieces and I didn't know what to do. I was away from my family and I felt so incredibly alone. I was constantly fighting with my ex and I felt like I had no one to turn to. Things were already bad between us and we kept blaming one another for what happened. I couldn't bring myself to forgive him even though it was as much my own fault."

Mia paused and shook her head. She felt Leo reach for her hand. Taking a deep breath, she continued.

"I was miserable at my job. I had a horrible boss and she demoted me right around the same time. I can still clearly remember walking into that dreadful meeting, I didn't even have it in me to defend my position. I guess you could say I had hit rock bottom. I couldn't go through with it. Emotionally, financially, in every respect that I thought about...I felt like I would be doing a disservice. Like it wouldn't be fair to raise someone under those conditions, without the proper support or even love..."

She felt the tears threatening to come out, but held them back. She wasn't looking at Leo any longer, but he squeezed her hand tightly. She took a moment to compose herself before continuing.

"I can't begin to tell you what that day at the hospital was like, the time leading up to it and especially afterwards, it kept replaying in my mind to no avail. I just knew I had to distract myself from all of it, and a week later I found myself at my computer writing essays to apply to MBS. From that moment on, my entire focus changed and it was all about getting here, to this new place. All the paperwork, the visa, moving out of my apartment, getting rid of most of my belongings...I just desperately wanted to leave all of that behind. I still don't know if I made the right choice, but it's what I live with now. Either way, I've felt like the most horrible person and that I don't deserve anything better."

Her words were rushed but she needed to leave it all out on the table.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, Mia. You made the best choice you could at the time," he said quietly.

"Leo, you don't have to..."

"I feel like a complete idiot now for pressuring you so much. It hurt that you didn't want to share your past with me...that you were keeping something from me, but I realize why you did it now. I assumed a million different things and I acted defensively without thinking it through. I never thought...Why didn't you just tell me? I would have backed off, even if it killed me."

"Believe me, I wanted to tell you so many times. But I just felt so guilty and ashamed by it. I felt worthless. I didn't think you would want me anymore. I understand if you feel that way now. If you don't want me anymore."

"Don't you dare say that, Mia. These things happen, even to the best of us. You can't let it dictate the rest of your life. What happened doesn't define who you are. You're so much more than that. At some point, you're going to have to accept it and live your life. The one you're meant to be living with me. And I'm not letting you go. You mean everything to me. Don't think you can get rid of me so easily."

"I...didn't expect you to be so...understanding," she said scrunching her forehead.

"I know it's not the same from your perspective, I can't even imagine what it must feel like for you. What you went through is a big deal. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. But please know that I completely understand and I would never judge you for it. Mia, you need to forgive yourself. Life goes on. Trust me. I know that you've been fighting it for a long time, but you don't have to anymore. Not by yourself, at least. You're not alone anymore. I'm here now."

Leo's words left her speechless. She never expected this kind of reaction. She always felt she should be punished by it instead of feeling someone's empathy and compassion. But Leo seemed to understand. What's more, he didn't judge her past and seemed more concerned about a future together. She felt a lump in the back of her throat just thinking that someone in the world like Leo existed. She looked at him with tears in her eyes.

Leo looked back at her with an extremely worried look on his face. He seemed close to panicking.

"Mia, were you okay with last night? I tried to make it as easy as possible on you but if you don't feel comfortable yet, we don't have to..."

"No!" Mia shouted and several people turned around in their direction. Realizing she had spoken too loud, she sunk in her seat and covered her face.

"Mia? It's okay. I can wait until you feel ready. Whatever you need. I don't want to lose you, not after I just got you back," he said peeling her hands away from her face.

Mia shook her head. "I meant...no, I don't want to wait. That's the thing; I never thought I would be able to feel this way after what happened. It feels so selfish to me, but there's nothing I want more than to be with you. Leo, you made me feel so alive last night. All the preconceived notions I've had all this time somehow flew out the window. I just don't want you to treat me differently because of this."

Leo pushed the armrest placed between their seats back and pulled her against his chest, running his fingers through her hair. "Mi vida...it's not selfish, you deserve to feel that way and to be happy. That's how it should be. I loved the way you responded to me...so willingly. I had never felt that before and I feel like the luckiest guy to have shared that with you."

Leo grabbed her face and stared deeply into her eyes. "I love you no matter what, Mia. Please know that. I also have a lot of things from my past that I'm not proud of. Everyone does. I know a lot of people have let you down, hurt you in the past, including me. I feel like the biggest coward that I walked away from you, that I didn't stick around to fight it through with you, probably when you needed me the most, and I'm deeply sorry for that. Walking away was the biggest mistake I ever made. It won't happen again. I promise."

"I don't blame you for that, Leo. I did that. I made you walk away. I didn't expect anything less from the way I acted towards you. You didn't deserve one second of it. I'm sorry I put you through all that."

Leo sighed heavily, and settled her against him. "I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one, at least for the time being. I swear we can talk about this all you want till the cows come home, but I really think you should rest right now. I'll be here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere," he said kissing her forehead.

She wanted to protest but the rush of adrenaline she felt from her confession was beginning to settle, and the combination of too much excitement and lack of sleep from the previous night left her no choice.

"Thank you, Mia. For telling me," he whispered, just as she started to doze off.

Even though she was on a plane, she felt the world shift beneath her, as if tidal waves were suddenly pulling her into an entirely new direction, and her body slowly gave in.