Too Many Words

Part 2 | 41. Where To Go

Part 2

The eastern horizon was beginning to brighten, the sapphire night paling to grey, when Astrid finally found the black stretch of asphalt. She dragged her feet through the drifts of snow, careful to remain just inside the shadows of the tree line, and kept her eyes only a few yards in front. She didn't know what she was doing. She just needed to do something. She couldn't stay frozen forever, forgetting the world and the responsibilities she had accumulated for herself. She didn't know what the Challengers would do now that their leader was dead, but her mind currently didn't really care. Sure, she still cared that her friends in the city would remain safe, but she'd already fought for so long that all her energy seemed drained.

The soft whisper of the wind passed from tree to tree, the leaves carrying a message she was too weary to listen to. The morning birds awoke and twittered and chirped, but her thoughts were too black to take notice of their cheerfulness. The rays of sunlight finally shone above the horizon, illuminating the sky with streaks of orange and gold, but her eyes were too cloudy to see it. She was so tired.

She nearly bumped into the metal sign post that directed travellers to the town up ahead, Answer City. She looked up at it and blinked. It was an obscure little city, she knew from past visits, and might be just the place to hide out for a while until life decided to creep back under her feet. Right now it felt like she was floating untethered on a cloud of guilt and shame. She knew she had been protecting those de Rais had tortured and killed, and her actions were justified, so why did her heart feel so sick? Why did her hands, when she looked down at them, look like someone else's, as if they had acted on their own when grabbing that knife to end the fight? Why couldn't she reconcile her actions with everything she'd lived for? She had made it her life's goal to protect others, to fight for justice and end those who were cruel, murderous, and full of hate and revenge. But, perhaps it was the fact that in the past, on her missions, she had been taking orders, doing what was sanctioned to complete the task. But here she had taken matters into her own hands and now had the consequences to answer for alone.

Her throbbing head forced her to stop and make a decision. She looked a mess, and couldn't think rationally anymore, so she found a large tree, picked a sheltered side, and curled up on the ground, drawing her knees to her chest as silent tears tracked their way down her cheeks. Her situation was so pitiful, she didn't know what she was crying at – the ache in her conscience or the fact she was too weak to even do anything about it.

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Her foot jerked, and she awoke with a start to the realisation someone was kicking it.

"Hey kid, you alright?" The deep voice jolted through the fuzziness and white glare of light.

She struggled to open her eyes. Where was she anyway? Cold grit met her fingertips as she wiggled her fingers. Dampness soaked through her clothes.

"Kid, you ok?"

"Mmm, yeah," she mumbled as the blurry shadow knelt beside her. She scrambled back and hit the tree behind her. She shook her head to clear the cobwebs. "Stay back!" she flung her hands out in front of her. Her voice came out weak and scratchy and she hated feeling this vulnerable.

"It's ok," the man held up his hands. "I'm not gonna hurt you. Just wanted to make sure you ok." His image came into focus; he was a good 15 years older than her, rugged with dark blonde hair, a few days' growth shadowing his strong jaw, and hazel eyes that looked at her with concern.

"I'm...I'm alright, thanks," she stuttered, not trusting him.

"Good," he nodded. "I don't need to know your personal business, but," and he looked her up and down with a raised eyebrow, "do ya need any help?"