Anxious || Harry Styles

Chapter Four

"Joelle. Where are you going?" My heart is pounding against my rib cage at an impeccable pace and I literally feel my knees buckling under my weight.   

I look up at my teacher knowing that I look like a sobbing mess. I open mouth to talk but instead a loud sob comes out.  

"Oh my. Joelle are you alright? What happened?" Right now is when I see another figure behind Mr. Rogers. And he is Harry.   

I just shake my head at my teacher. "I-I can-can't." Another sob leaves my mouth with tears pouring out of my eyes. I feel my nose starting to drip and quickly wipe it with the back of my jumper.  

"What happened?" I shake my head not wanting to tell him. I feel embarrassed just knowing I am in this situation right now.   

"I-I can't g-go in th-there." The second bell rings stating that class has begun but me, Harry and Mr. Rogers are still outside of the room.   

"What happened, Joelle?" I could see concern and worry is all over his face. I shake my head again. He sighs. "If there is a problem, I need to know." He puts a hand in my arm to comfort me. "Okay, umm...I suggest you go home, Joelle. Would that help you or..." I nod. "Okay, just take it easy. If you want to talk about it later, please come to me. I don't like seeing my students not comfortable in my class." I nod again.  

"Thanks Mr. Rogers." I sniff really appreciating it. He is really kind and I am so grateful for that.   

"Take care." I glance past his shoulder and look at Harry. He is staring intensively at me with slight anger and pity clear in his facial expressions. Knowing that he witnessed what happened yesterday, I think he clearly knows why I am crying.  

I walk away from the two as they enter the class. I could still feel my hands shaking. That has been one of the worst panic attacks I've had in a while and it makes me feel horrible. I don't know why I let them run over me like that. I hate it! I hate it so much! I hate that I can't stand up for myself!

I head to my locker to grab my coat and then exit the school to go home using my car. Though, when I enter my car, I stay seated for ten minutes to fully calm myself down. I can't drive when I am not mentally fit for it.    

It's moments like this where I wish I had a friend. Just one person my age whom I know can lend me a shoulder to cry on and to comfort me in ways my mother and even myself can't do. I feel so alone. I feel like no one cares for me. I feel numb.

I am no longer crying. The only thought in my head now is that I will never have one person there for me. And it honestly hurts so much that it comes out as a numb feeling. This feeling is the worst since a picture of your celebrity crushes won't even fix it. It is like you cannot be happy unless your wish comes true but since you know it won't, it leaves you so hopeless and sad.   

The last time I felt like this was when my dad died.    

**

I lay curled up in my bed for what seems like hours. My duvet is wrapped around me with my head on my pillow. Another sigh escapes my lips as I put another Lindor chocolate into my mouth. Just laying down, eating away with sorrow.  

I hear a ringing noise echo inside of my house. I furrow my eyebrows and slowly sit up. With a groan, I get out of my bed and trudge down the stairs and to the front door. I quickly look in the closet mirror and see my face all red with tear stains and hair a tangled mess with me still my outfit I wore to school.   

I open the door and peek out. I expected to see a delivery man, or even my mum but instead I see someone I never would have guessed to visit me.  

I stay gobsmacked not saying anything. I see him scanning my face with a sad pout on his lips. I only open the door wider and move to the side for him to come in. He takes off his shoes and once I lock the door I turn back towards him. Still without saying a word, we look at each other - me still being shocked and him showing pity. Not knowing what to do, I see his awkward side showing. After a few seconds he hesitantly steps forward and opens his arms.   

When I feel him embracing my fragile body, I break down again. I sob into his black shirt, for sure making it wet, but he simply just hugs me tighter while rubbing my back.   

I let out all the pain in my chest from what happened Chase, Sophie and Abbey did to me along with my grief for my dad. Just everything - all my feeling I had bottled up in me for the longest time pours out into sobs and tears with him comforting me and encouraging me to let it all out without saying a word.   

Even though we still didn't say a word to each other, I finally feel that someone is there for me; a friend.

Harry.

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