Anxious || Harry Styles

Chapter Twenty

This story is almost finished! Just a few more chapters left. Mixed emotions :) :(

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CHAPTER TWENTY

Hey Joey xx.

I read the text and stare at it for a while. A small smile forming on my lips. 

Hi, Harry. How are you? x

School is over and I am walking to the bus stop since I don't have my car today. This is the bad thing about my mum dropping me off to school. A few seconds later Harry replies. 

Want to come over? xx.

I ignore the weird saddening feeling I get when Harry ignored my question. I try to shake it off as nothing though the guilt and sadness are still present in my system. 

Sure :)

Even though I put a smiley face in the text, I am not smiling. I am nervous. I still feel like he hates me and it's honestly the worse feeling ever. Every time I think of Harry I feel like crying because of how horrible I feel. 

:) xx.

Even though the drive to school is ten minutes away, it takes almost more than double the amount of time to go home by bus. And usually I would be happy and relieved to get off the bus, but this time I am not. I am kind of dreading going to Harry's house at the moment.

I am expecting awkwardness like last night. I am expecting him to ignore me a bit and not communicate with me as much. 

But he is still suffering from his extreme anxiety attack from yesterday. 

I stop walking and freeze. 

I can't believe this. I cannot believe myself. 

My eyes are wide open and my breathing has stopped. 

I look down and notice my hands are starting to shake. 

I just cannot believe what I was just thinking. 

Harry suffered from one of the most traumatic panic attacks he's ever had yesterday and I am sure he is still affected by it. Yet here I am thinking horrible stuff, not wanting to see him in fear from my own feelings. I am not thinking about him, I am thinking about myself. 

I just feel like crying right now. I am a horrible person. I hate this. I hate this so much! I hate how my condition always makes me over think things to the point it makes me oblivious about the main idea. And in this case I was over thinking Harry not talking to me last night to the point it makes me nervous to see him because I think he hates me. And that is just not right. 

I should be wanting to see him so I can comfort him. I should be understanding. But I am not. I was thinking about myself the whole time. 

I start walking as fast as I could towards Harry's house. Halfway there I start jogging. I knock on the door and a minute later the door opens. 

I see tired looking Harry giving me a small smile. I engulf him into a hug and press my head against his chest. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Harry." My heart is beating so fast right now, the thumping hitting against my chest. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" Harry asks and pushes my hair back so he could look at me. 

"I'm so selfish. And I hate myself for that."