Wandering Thoughts

Regret

They say regret's a bitch

And they're right.

It eats away at you

Until there's nothing left but a shell

Of someone you once thought yourself to be

Tonight I am full of regret

So much of it that I'm afraid I may drown in it

I made a mistake.

Again.

Not the  kind I normally make

A really, really bad mistake.

That I don't know if I'll forgive myself for.

I'm not sure I can.

I hate myself for this.

I really do.

I hate myself for a lot of things

But this time I could have hurt you.

That makes it worse.

Because you trust me.

You believe in me.

You shouldn't

But you do.

And now here I am fucking it up. 

Again.

So when I say i'm broken

Don't laugh like I'm wrong.

I am not wrong.

Not in that sense.

I am damaged.

Something you should replace.

I am the broken pencil

That you throw away.

Too small and worn down

To work properly.

I am something that cannot be fixed.

The sooner you leave the better

Because I am a mistake

And no one should have to deal with a mistake

That they did not create.

And the longer you stay

The more hope I will have that you won't leave.

Even though we both know you will.

So yeah.

Regret is a bitch.

And now I'm her bitch too

Cause I gave her a way in

And now Miss Regret

Has decided to tear me apart.