Finally once school was over i began to walk home very, very slow. I wasnt in a rush to get there. And once i saw my white two story house i sighed and made my way up the porch steps and into the brown front door. The smell of cigarett smoke engulfed into my nostrils as i entered the house. My father is so lucky I didnt have asthma or i'd probably fucking die, not that that would be a bad thing... Smoke filled the air and i smirked as i saw my most likely wasted father passed out on the couch. He had a Whiskey bottle hanging from his hand and it was almost empty.
what a wasted piece of shit.
I walked into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich, I was for sure hungry because i enhaled that thing in seconds. Mmmm Mmmm MMMM!
I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and made my way up to my room. I opened my door and shut it quietly just so i didnt wake my father up...
I then locked the door and walked up to my black enroused bed and layed down. Everything on my bed meaning: comforter, sheets, and pillow cases, were black.
My curtins around my window were black too. Yeah, i really liked the color black...
I placed my Ipod on my ihome that layed on the nightstand next to my bed.
I played some Bullet For My Valentine and just listened to Matt sing.
I cleared my mind off of everything that was floating around in my head and listened to the lyrics.
...An evil feeling attacks, my body's shaking theres no turning back. Dont take your eyes off the trigger, Im not to blame if your world turns to black...
And eventually i fell asleep.
Suddenly a loud bagging that rattled my door startled me awake. I jolted up and stared at the door. Fear took place in me and i didnt move.
"Open the fucking door Colby!" A voice growled.
It was my father. And he was drunk, like always.
But i still didnt move.
And i wasnt going to let him in either...
There was more banging and this time it was louder,"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR, BOY! OR I WILL BREAK IT DOWN!"
I'll take my chances. But i will NOT open it. Hell no.
"ONE!" He yelled.
I backed off my bed and hid in the corner near the window.
"TWO!"
please dont come in...please!
"THREE!"
And suddenly the door bursted open and there stood a very pissed and very drunk version of my father.
I stared in fear.
Fuck.
He looked around the room until he saw me and he stormed my way. I closed my eyes and then something sharp gripped my hair and i was pulled to my feet roughly. I grinded my teeth together to keep from crying out. I was then slammed against the wall and the air in my lungs escaped and a small gasp escaped from my lips.
"You fucking little shit, did you drink all of my liquior?!" He yelled in my face.
His what?!
I dont even drink! well...not anymore.
I shook my head.
His eyes peered into mine,"Your lying."
I wasnt givin time to explain because the next thing i knew i was slammed to the floor and i smacked my head against the floor and my head exploded in pain. I groaned and then His foot connected with my ribs and i cried out.
"Your. A. Fucking. Liar!" And there was a pause at each word and each time he would kick me. Blood leaked out of my mouth. He stopped and looked down at me.
"You touch my liquior again, I'll unleash hell on you, boy." He snapped and then he left my room, grumbling.
Pain was everywhere. I couldnt move. I didnt dare try to get up. My breathes came out un-even and i layed there, wishing death would just shoot me in the face. I rolled over from laying on my side to laying on my back and i cried out again. My chest engulfed in agony and it was hard to breathe.So i layed there, and i didnt move at all. Pain is just weakness leaving the body, I told myself. Life, I fucking hate you! I sighed.
Fuck me.
Eventually I thought it was pointless to lay on the ground the whole night. So i got up ignoring the pain biting at my side and held my breath as i crawled on my bed. I landed on my stomach, gasping in pain. I bit my lip as i slowly turned over. Once i layed on my back I slowly lifted my shirt and saw all the bruises scattered across my stomach. My breathing labored even more as if it hurt my eyes to look at them. I slowly slid my shirt down and layed there. Why was life such a bitch?
I guess having a shitty ass fucking life was my punishment for being gay.
But its not my fault for liking guys. I just...like em more than girls. Most girls where bitchy and annoying as fuck.
I closed my eyes. I wish life was better, and not so depressing and pointless.
Last year, I tried killing myself, twice, just to end my suffering. I had the bullet in the gun, my finger on the trigger, the gun pointed to my temple and everything. But each time i tried putting pressure on the trigger, something always stopped me. Maybe life wasnt finished tormenting me yet.
I guess life just had to get better...It just...Had too.
And soon after just laying there my eye lids got heavier and sleep embraced me.
I woke up to a stream of light shining in through my windows. Fuck you light, go away. I groaned and rolled over, wincing but inviting the pain. I didnt care what time it was, there was no way i was going to school today. Hell no. I closed my eyes again and tried to fall back asleep, but i couldnt. I sighed and rolled off my bed and got on my feet. I ran a hand through my hair and made my way to the bathroom. I knew my father wasnt here so thats a good thing. Once in the bathroom, I peeled my clothes off and stepped into a warm, steaming shower.
The water felt great against my skin. I leaned against the wall and let the soothing water hit my back. Gaahh, this feels so great! After awhile of just standing there and relaxing, I reached for the container of soap and began washing my hair, then my body, then I stepped out of the shower. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist. And then there I stood in front of the mirror, having my reflection stare back at me.
My shouler-length brown hair dripped down my face. My pale skin gleamed in dripping, wet water that ran down my body. The dark circles under my eyes caught my attention at first, then the bruises on my stomach made me wince. They were dark, and they were aching like a bitch. I moved my eyes and just stared at myself. I had to say, I didnt have a body looking body. I mean it wasnt so muscular, but it wasnt lean either. It was just right. I had good bicep muscles in my arms though. I worked out when i was bored. But i didnt work out all the time so my muscles have toned down a bit. But I dont give a fuck, their just muscles.
I exited the bathroom and went into my room and clothed my body in black clothing before heading downstairs to make some food, I for one, was hungry as fuck.
