author's note: day 3 of rucas fic week is 'one exception au' and I went with; what if lucas got hurt while riding the bull in texas? // I just want to say this fic was extremely hard for me to write, for many reasons. Guilt is one of those emotions I think Riley struggles with the most. She feels it way more than any of the other characters in the gmw-verse and writing her in this was extremely heartbreaking. I struggled with this piece, but it finally came together and I hope you all enjoy it, even if it's sad.
special shout outs to: friarlucas & rileysmatthews on tumblr for putting this fic week together and being very supportive readers I really appreciate it!!! // and ofc ginsharry (tumblr) for being like a sort of cheerleader for me while writing this and reading it over for me–it was a difficult piece for me to write, so thank you!
. . .
She remembers the beeping the most.
Not because of how annoying it sounded, or how rhythmic it was to her ears. No, the incessant noise was the only reminder of the life the beautiful boy before her clung to. The same beautiful boy she let her heart cling to.
Flashbacks of the events prior run through her head like a broken record. She watches him fall and fall, over and over again in the containment of her mind. And she can't make it stop, can't make herself forget.
And all she feels is guilt.
This gut-wrenching, sickening guilt. The only thought making its way through the chaos of her mind, being how it was all her fault.
Now, however, she's standing in her dark room, back in New York. The place that is supposed to feel like home, the place that keeps her safe. Except she's closed and locked the bay window for the first time since she can remember, trapping herself. She feels like she deserves to be alone like this. Trapped in her room, with only the shadows to keep her company. And nothing about it feels like home.
Except it should, she thinks to herself, maybe you don't deserve a home.
Maybe solitude is your home.
She remembers standing in the hall that held private rooms at the hospital. She caught a glimpse of the only boy she's ever cared for, laying silent on a plain, white hospital bed. His skin pale, tubes and wires connected to him like he was part of some circuit or machine, like he wasn't even a person. She had stood stalk still staring at the commotion of doctors shuffling in and out of his room.. Like she was an outsider looking in. Like she didn't belong in that room with the broken boy she swore she might love, but would never admit to him out loud.
And she remembers thinking it was her fault. It would always be her fault. And the doctors had assured her, he would be okay. But she didn't know if she ever would be.
Because you see, when things happen there is always an instigating event. Nothing is ever coincidence, things always happen for a reason. But something had to set the ball in motion to get to the end result.
Like riding the subway to school and meeting the perfect boy. Or leaving your window open and making a best friend.
And in this case, Riley Matthews was the final push on the ball that sent Lucas Friar to the hospital in critical condition. And she knows it.
Sure, she thinks, there were many things that led up to what happened. But she also knows that it was her idea to send Lucas to Texas to ride the bull, and it was her final encouragement that sent him out that day, and it was her that refused to believe Maya was right.
YOU ARE READING
one shots ›› girl meets world
Fanfiction❝we think that we're the center of the universe, but the truth is; we need to circle the ones we love for as long as they're here. we need to hold them close, because no matter how far we travel, they are the ones who hold us in place. it's gravity...
