one shots ›› girl meets world

2 ➼ ❝equinox❞ (rucas)

a/n: set in the wot3 universe! i've had this idea running around my head ever since seeing the episode and i'm finally happy to share it with you all! it's a different style of writing than i'm used to, but i really love how it came out and so I hope you do too! -ellie xx 

. . .

Life has a funny way of working itself out.  No matter the desolation you feel or the hopeless thoughts that crowd your otherwise empty mind may suffocate you; life knows exactly what it's doing.  I used to believe in coincidence; that nothing truly happened for any particular reason.  We just were, as we are, existing in one moment and then the next, without a plan or destination.  That is, until we got there.  And then the cycle repeats.

But sometimes life wants to prove us wrong.  Or more importantly, have someone else prove us wrong.  

You know those times at night, when you're too afraid of your own thoughts all you want to do is drift off into oblivion?  Just for a moment, you want the otherwise torturous darkness to consume you, to make you forget the wretched thoughts of your mind.  You want to feel free, released of the agony you put yourself through.

But then the morning light breaks through the clouds and the sun rises, and all of a sudden your horrible thoughts turn to airy ones.  You no longer crave the release that oblivion could give you, but rather you crave the energy that comes with a brand new day.

That's how it felt to know Riley Matthews.  God, she was an addiction.

She was the pure definition of sunshine.  Not the Oxford Dictionary kind talking about cheerfulness or sunlight unbroken by clouds or some other crap.  The real kind.  The kind you couldn't quite put into words.  Because if pictures held a thousand words, then Riley Matthews would need a thousand pictures.

I, on the other hand, was darkness.  I was darker than any shade of black you could see.  It didn't take a genius like Farkle or Smackle to realize the darkness my seemingly bright eyes contained.  It was almost like they were tainted a darker shade of green with each passing day.  No one bothered to look me in the eyes of course, who would?  More people feared me, than people who knew me.  And I understood them.  I felt them.  Because I, too, didn't want to know me.  I loathed myself.  Every fiber of my being was made of my own kryptonite; each piece reminding me of how much I didn't want to be me.

But that's just the way it is isn't it?  If there is one thing I am completely certain about, it's that we all hate ourselves, in some small way or another.  For others self pity is quite evident, and to some it's forged deep within the unconscious of our minds.  But it's always there.  We are constantly looking outward to other people's lives, that we often forget we need to look inward to ourselves.  That we need to feel something more than the longing to be someone else.  We need to feel free in our own skin, we need to be who we are.

But Riley Matthews was different.  She shattered every reality I had ever known.  She crushed all my ideas of hopelessness, of self pity, of self hatred.  Her large doe eyes always had a sparkle in them that almost seemed to look reality in the face to say, Hey you can't break me.  And reality never did.  It never could.

And within those soft brown eyes I had almost seen a reflection of me in which I didn't hate myself.  A reflection of a world in which I was different; a place where I was surrounded by people like Riley Matthews who made me positive towards myself.  A sort of calming influence.

But we didn't live in that world.  Not to say that this world couldn't change to that one, no matter how dull my thoughts used to be I finally realized that now.  That the world can change.  It can change for better or for worse.  I'm not usually the type to hold out hope for anything.  But like I said, sometimes realities  change.  Ideas change, people change and situations change.  I once believed coincidences were just mere happenings, but like I said; change.