Who Wants To Live Forever

Leaving Home

It came to him that night, the same torment, the same glorious waves of pleasure washing over him until he was begging to drown in it. Begging because tonight it wasn't quite the same. Tonight he was being allowed use of his voice and body, though he could little more than moan and whimper, caught by his own need. Yuuri's torment had reached a new level on this night as well, as he felt he was being teased, the victim of some cruel game to see how much he could endure without braking completely apart. The waves came, stronger and stronger yet always ebbing before he could find any sort of release. It was cruel, allowing him to speak but driving him far beyond anything but noises of pleasure and frustration, along with the quiet pleas. It was difficult to remember there were others in this building, that the walls would never hide his voice if he gave fully in to the torment. This was a fight, a battle he believed he had no chance in winning.

"Will you come to me, my Yuuri?" that familiar voice, spoken without sound

Yuuri tried to be angry, to focus on that and block all of it out, to demand an end but he couldn't manage enough strength. "Why?" was all he could ask

There was an amused chuckle, "You allowed me into your mind,....you were very eager in fact." spoken as if Yuuri should have known this and the provider of this torment felt slightly annoyed at having to explain.

"I never..." Yuuri protested but he felt suddenly unsure, he had often felt he was not alone. Especially at night. Hadn't he even spoken of this to his friend? Fear and uncertainty made him want to doubt, to deny the reality of any of this.

"You did,...I can help you remember. You called and I answered, long have I watched and waited. I need you and you would deny me?"

Yuuri could swear he felt breath on his ear, the closeness of cool skin on his face as if he were being touched. "Need...me?"

His words ending with a low moan as he felt it course through him again. The pleasure made it difficult for him to think clearly, to form a rational thought. He was being played with like a toy and he should be angry. He really should fight harder to stop it.

A sound almost like a low,satisfied hum still so very close to his ear making him tremble yet again. "You have no idea how much." the voice assured him "Come to me my sweet Yuuri ."

Abruptly Yuuri was released, he was alone in his sweat soaked bed, breathing hard and feeling oddly abandoned and frustrated. There was nothing but the ceiling above him, the shadows of his familiar room and the usual nighttime noises. He felt angry at having been left like this and angry at himself because of his reactions. If it was true,if he had allowed this to happen ,then certainly he'd been tricked. Why else would he agree to what he was enduring? Slowly Yuuri sat up in his bed,bringing the patchwork quilt he'd kicked off earlier up closer. There was no denying his curiosity and a growing need to discover what was happening and why. Why him? All his life he had never been anything special, he was only an ordinary man unsure what he wanted out of life. Wondering if he had any real choices.

Looking outside his window, the castle remained there on the mountain and it called to him.

Yuuri rose out of bed the next morning feeling determined. He prepared himself for the long walk through the forest and up the path leading to the castle. He reasoned that if he left early enough he would have time to explore and be home before dark, all he needed would be provisions, warm clothing and his sturdiest boots. The difficult part would be lying to his family,this was something he'd only done as a very young child and regretted even now. Yuuri knew he couldn't tell them the truth, they would never let him go to the castle, especially since he was determined to go alone. His parents never believed the stories, but the ruins were a dangerous place, the path difficult since it was so rarely used these days. They needed him here, his sister would be angry at him for avoiding his duties and putting himself in danger. His decision was not a rash one,he'd been thinking on this for a long time,considering his options in dealing with these events. He knew it had to end somehow. He couldn't endure this much longer.

He told them he and Phichit were heading out together , this was something they often did,just spending the day wandering,talking or just enjoying each others presence. Phichit,he knew, would be away this day, traveling with his father to a nearby town. Yuuri gathered a water skin, bread, dried meat and fruit in a bag, hugged his parents and assured them he would be back by dinner. Tomorrow,he assured Mari, he would do extra work to make up for today and she reluctantly agreed,returning to her duties. Only his mother seemed to notice something was off about her son as they stood by the front door.

"You look so tired lately Yuuri, are you sure you shouldn't just stay here and rest?" her kind eyes studied his face, concerned.

Yuuri took her hand in his, forcing a smile. "I'm fine, mom, I'm having trouble sleeping the past couple nights,that's all." he prayed he sounded calm and happy "You've no reason to worry. "

If he could make himself believe there was no reason for concern. Nothing at all to worry about, he had only lost a couple nights sleep,no more than that. All of it lies. Yuuri had a horrible feeling that his mother was not convinced, that she knew her son was in trouble.

"He'll be fine,"his father put in, putting an arm around his wife and smiling happily. "He's going to be with Phichit, isn't he? Those two keep an eye on each other. "

Why did it hurt so much now? Lying to them,deceiving the ones who loved him the most. Nothing good could possibly come of his actions now, could it? But he had gone this far and he needed answers,needed for his life to return to normal. What choice did he really have?

Why did it feel like he was being slowly dragged down into an inescapable dark pit?

Yuuri pushed that thought far into his mind. This was something he had to do, he couldn't continue unless he did. That might be the only thing he was sure of right now.

"Have a good day, son."his father "Everyone deserves some fun once in awhile," the last part was directed at his daughter who was appearing out of the kitchen, a stack of plates in her hands.

"Nothing would ever get done around here if all we did was have fun." she grumbled a response

Her father laughed. "One of these days you'll regret working every day, Mari. The inn will survive a little time without your constant attention."

Yuuri had to laugh at this exchange, the normalcy of their everyday life. This is what he wished for, a time he could share in it again. He watched for a little bit as they left him there at the door,going back to whatever they were doing before he announced his departure. Maybe if all went well he'd feel that warmth and love once again very soon.

Maybe,he thought as he stepped out and shut the door behind him.