Made To Be Broken

Come A Little Bit Closer

“You are a devoted Christian, Noble.” Jonah told him softly. “Don’t ever doubt that.”

Swallowing tightly, Noble whispered, “My actions lately don’t back it up.”

“And what heinous sins have you been committing?” Jonah wondered, smiling.

Sighing, Noble leaned back against Jonah’s chest and weaved their fingers together. “Being with you when I was still committed to Rebecca. And…” He licked his lips slowly. “And not feeling nearly as guilty as I should have. And wishing I was with you when I was with her.”

“Listen, baby.” Jonah turned him around and slipped his arms around his waist. “Maybe we didn’t do things all proper like. And I’m not going to stand here and try to make excuses for either of us. I’m sure we both deserved a good, hard slap from God.” He kissed his mouth softly. “But sometimes, Noble…a man in your situation has to work out how he feels, who he is. It’s confusing, and difficult, and sometimes people get hurt. It stinks, but it’s reality. The real blame here is not on you…but on those who made you feel like you couldn’t just be yourself. That’s what made you hide away, forced you to convince yourself you were in love with a woman.” He kissed him again. “And no, it wasn’t fair to Rebecca…but it wasn’t fair to you either. You weren’t equipped to accept who you were, so you tried to adapt. And if you were deceiving anyone…it was you. You have a good heart, baby. You weren’t trying to hide from Rebecca and deliberately not tell her the truth. You just believed you were someone that you weren’t.”

There was a measure of relief in hearing those words from someone else. When he tried to tell them to himself…there was a little voice inside that insisted he was just trying to make excuses for himself, exempt himself from guilt and the responsibility of his actions. But hearing Jonah speak it out loud…the words made sense. It hurt to think that he might have deliberately deceived Rebecca just so he could feel normal.

“Thank you.” He whispered and kissed Jonah on the mouth.

“Anytime, baby.” Jonah smiled and kissed him back, pulling him in deeper, arms tightening. A soft groan filled the man’s throat and his body pushed snug against Noble’s, his arousal growing. Noble hoped that being tempted didn’t mean his relationship with God was breaking down…because right here and now, he was burning up with temptation, wanting Jonah like he’d never wanted anyone in his life.

“Want to go skinny dipping?” Jonah murmured against his lips, smiling.

Noble tensed in his arms. “What?” His throat suddenly felt full of cotton; go swimming with Jonah…naked? That wasn’t an effective resistance to temptation.

“You heard me.” Jonah breathed warmly in his ear, causing Noble to shiver with delight. The man took his breath away when he was fully clothed. Noble wasn’t sure his heart could hold up to seeing him in all his glory. But oh, God knew, he wanted to see him that way. But then that was the problem, wasn’t it? God knew.

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The want in the young man was unmistakable. Jonah could see it, sense it and, oh hell yes, feel it as well. Just a little nudge and Noble would tumble over that ledge. But as sweet and intoxicating as that would be – Noble needed to take that plunge himself, without being pushed. And though he wasn’t putting up much of a fight…he was still battling it all to a degree. Except now, it wasn’t because he felt disgusting at the prospect of being with a man, but because – as Jonah had just pointed out – he truly was devoted to God. And whether his prospective lover was a man or a woman…if Noble wasn’t married to them – he knew it was wrong to go there.