Imperfectly Perfect

Chapter 5: Signs

It has been a few days since the kiss and I haven't been able to look Jimin in the eye. I've been trying to give myself some space so I can think clearly and process my thoughts. I shouldn't have enjoyed the kiss. It should have been a huge burden, yet it's all that consumes my mind. It's leaving me conflicted. A part of me wants to ask Jimin how he felt about it. To convey all my confusion to him.

Yet how can I explain something I can't even understand myself? It's strange to consider the possibility of... I can't even find the courage to even say what the alternative could be. I've tried to confide in  V-hyung, but he says I'm just overthinking this, but that's the problem. What is this?  

It seems I'm missing something to complete this puzzle in my heart.This all started with Jimin. From the beginning we got along well, but overtime my feelings have become blurred and I don't know what I feel. Around him I feel so comfortable and content while at the same time fearing the thoughts roaming my mind. Like how I depend on his touch. His attention. Even his smiles. But what if he resents me for that? I know Jimin cares for me and that makes me feel...happy. It's a cliche thing to say, but it's the truth. I've never had someone care for me so much before.

Back in Busan before I became a trainee, I had very little friends. I was awkward and never really liked to communicate with my classmates. I had one girlfriend before I left, but she ended up getting sick of my lack of courage and ended things. It broke me for a while, but that's around the time that I met Jimin.

It had been a rainy kinda day and I had just arrived in Seoul to meet the other trainees I would be working with for the next year. I observed  the intimidating BigHit Entertainment building and had to catch my breath. This was my new life. Training and singing. I hesitantly entered and looked around. It was a nice  building. There was a small desk with a black marble top with a metal lining. I looked to my right and saw a waiting area with three black leather chairs aligned in a row. To my left, I saw a rectangular sign with what appeared to be a layout of the building.

I made my way to the sign and looked for the trainee room's floor. After finally finding what I was looking for, I walked to the elevator and started my decent. Once I made it to the floor I got cold feet. I couldn't breathe. I sat on the ground outside the elevator and tried to grab a hold of my thoughts. I wanted this right? I wanted to sing. I wanted to perform. Yet I couldn't get the courage to walk through the door that would help me get to that point. 

I felt tears come down my face and I didn't make an effort to stop them. This is why I had barely any friends. This is why my girlfriend left me. I'm weak. I have no courage. I don't even deserve to be here. I'm pathetic. I continued to wallow in my own anxiety until I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?" I looked up and saw a pudgy yet cute faced boy looking at me. His hair was pitch black and parted to the side. He had a hat on to tame I guess what I couldn't see. His plump lips in a worried smile.  His eyes full of concern.

I got lost studying his face until I felt another tap on my shoulder. "Uhh, you there?" The boy above me giggled and my heart warmed at the sound. "Y-yeah, just a bit stressed is all." The strange new face nodded in understanding and sat beside me. "Life can get stressful at times." This time it was my turn to nod. He looked at me with a huge smile that could melt the coldest of hearts. "I'm Jimin." "I'm a trainee here." I looked at him shocked. Jimin seemed to notice this and laughed. "I know I'm not what you'd expect as a star, but I dance pretty well."

I shook my head and began to speak. "N-no it's not that you're not attractive, I just thought most people here wouldn't be so....kind." I had heard a lot of terrifying stories about trainee's. They had hard lives and little time to worry about themselves. Most saw this as competition and exterminated their pray. He looked at me shocked at my confession then grinned. "The people here are great, don't worry." I smiled at his words and looked back down at my feet. Studying the laces on my shoes. "So, what's your name?" I looked up and mumbled out my response. "J-Jungkook." He pat my head and looked at me. "Cute, I think I see you as a Kookie." My face reddened at the new nickname. "T-thank you.." Jimin stood up and put his hand out. "I know joining a new place is scary, but I've got your back Kookie, let's work hard and become great performers, together." I knew we weren't promised fame, but his words warmed my soul. It gave me something I hadn't felt in a long time. Strength. I took his hand gratefully as he pulled me off the floor. "Come on, I'll show you around." I followed him to my new life, excited and terrified of my fate.