Gangleader's Lost

4-LOST

                        - Ace-

  AS TYPICAL AS it may seem, for someone like me: for the bad guy in a good girls story, to be truthful when saying, that there are truths amongst our lies. Because the truth is everyone lies. To tell the not so baffling truth most people don't know that their lying exactly while doing it. There clueless to every little white lie that slips out there mouth and off there tongue in bold colorful words and those bold and colorful words make a imprint on most people when they believe them.

I'm looking in the mirror and for the first time in something close to  forever I'm looking in the mirror and don't know who's staring back. He copy's my moves but it's almost like he's mocking me, like he's making fun of me.

This has only happened once in the past and I have to search my memory in my conscious existence to get a glimpse of it.

I was 16 and lost. And I'm not talking about not knowing my way back home, I'm talking about when you lose who your home use to be.  And  only a deeply involved person will understand that a home is more than just walls and a door it's you and me; it's the people that you love who make a home, not some cement. That's just what society jams in your head at a early age of five when we're forced out of the sanitary of our homes and are taught that some are smarter than others and based off that they decide where to place us,  and that's not all.

We continue this until we're around 19 and finally finish highschool to go to college,  well at least most of us do,  like I said before; most get labeled smarter than other, and for what?
To get a job that most of us can't stand, to be able to pay the bills and then think back where had time gone when you've worked up till your 60 and are finally wise enough to realize,  like everyone else around you, that you were sucked in the system.

All to live this image of how life suppose to be; that your suppose to go to school and get a good education because that's the only way you can be successful in this world. But when did success mean not being happy. When did the importance of life become education? Anyways like I said, the last time I looked in the mirror and a completely different person was there was when I was lost, and I think a part of being mentally lost is no longer knowing who you are. It started with Amelia,  my twin sister.

And that bull of a lie that everyone who has never been through real pain tells, about how the worst of it is over and that you can only go up from there, and she's in a better place now and this and that means nothing  because another one of society's way of healing is forgetting. They encourage you to move on with your life and be happy but as soon as your mind can even process the state of happiness society pops up to remind you who you belong to.

ANYWAYS I'm now in the same state I was back then when I lost Amelia, because now i'm losing Chase.
I had one job as a big brother to a sister and a brother and I failed them both. I was suppose to protect them and shield them from the evilness in this world. And as each day passes by I find myself looking at the window and wondering if everyone alive stopped talking or stopped making any physical type of noise could we all hear the world slowly falling apart.

And not until then, until you've allowed yourself to think about the death of your twin sister and the possible close to a life time arrest of your little brother can you ever feed me that bull of lie that the worst is over because any deeply involved lost person would no that this is just the beginning of a very long ending.

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