foresee

present pt.1

When I see you, who were so wise and cool,
Gazing with silly sickness on that fool
You’ve given your love to, your adoring hands
Touch his so intimately that each understands,
I know, most hidden things; and when I know
Your holiest dreams yield to the stupid bow
Of his red lips, and that the empty grace
Of those strong legs and arms, that rosy face,
Has beaten your heart to such a flame of love,
That you have given him every touch and move,
Wrinkle and secret of you, all your life,
—Oh! then I know I’m waiting, lover-wife,

Rupert Brooke
■

"Do you want to get dinner together?"

"Sorry, I can't. I have a date."

"Oh"

She's going on a date?

Why do I feel so...annoyed? She can go on a date if she wants to. Who am I to stop her?

As much as I tried, I couldn't get rid of the bad feeling about the date. Why do I even care? She's my friend, I should be encouraging her to go on dates considering that she's basically been a nun for the past 2 years.

"Who're you going out with?"

"Oh it's this guy I met at the coffee shop. The one I go to everyday? Yeah, he works there and we kind of started talking."

"You shouldn't go out with strangers. What if he's a rapist or a serial kill-"

"He's not! I've been talking to him for a few months already and I doubt that a serial killer would go to one of the top universities in the country or work in a coffee shop."

"But still, you have to be careful okay?"

"Hmm okay"

She went back into her room and shut the door. Somehow, I wasn't convinced. I had a bad feeling about this. I took out my phone and texted Jungkook. I needed to do something about this.

•••••

"I'm only doing this for the lamb skewers."

"Oh my god fine! Just help me."

"Do you like her? I mean, why else would you be hiding in the bushes creeping on her date?"

"...no. I just...I have a weird feeling, like this shouldn't be happening."

"Oh my God! That 'weird feeling' is called jealousy."

"I am not jealous! She's just my friend and I'm watching out for her."

"Hmm sure whatever you say"

••••••••
"Oh, they're leaving! They're leaving!"

"Can you be any louder?! They're going to hear us."

We walked into the restaurant, maintaining a safe distance from her and her date. We sat down at a table near theirs and tried to eavesdrop.

Jungkook looked at me, his eyes peering over the top of the menu,"I can literally see the heart eyes on your face"

"Shut up and order."

I was getting agitated, because of my own feelings, because of Jungkook's remarks and my confusion.

I didn't like her, did I?

I tried not to look at them and focused on the menu even though the only reason I was here was to watch them. I scrutinized the menu, my eyebrows furrowing as I grew increasingly frustrated by her laugh echoing in the noisy restaurant. Why is she laughing? Is he that hilarious? She doesn't laugh this much when I talk to her.

"Are you okay? Your knuckles are turning white."

I was unknowingly gripping the menu extremely tight. I dropped it and sighed.

"I think I like her."

"I could've told you that months ago."

I held my head in my hands, my elbows resting on the table.

"What do I do? She told me she liked me...2 years ago. She obviously doesn't now. Oh god. I blew it. I blew my chance with her and I didn't even realise it!"

"Oh shit I didn't know that part. This complicates things a lot. But hey, you never know, she could still like you."

"Um no, she's literally on a date with some other guy right now."

"Let's just eat first. We don't know anything for sure so we shouldn't assume things."

"Aw, when did you get so mature?"

"I was always like this"

"Hmm sounds fake but okay."

•••••••